The Kirk Chronicles

21 Weeks and Limbo

2011-11-16T20:50:00.001-05:00

Just for the record, I was able to be quite zen about the echoflouresence of the bowl they saw in the ultrasound for almost 4 days. That is pretty much a record for me on needing to know the facts and doing research. The googling was a very bad idea. I've since cut myself off. Really, what did I expect to find? Rainbows and butterflies? There's a whole lot of info out there about what it could mean -- everything from maybe nothing, to bowl obstructions that require surgery to Downs syndrome to Trisomy 18 and other non-life compatible issues. WOW. Just what I didn't need -- something to obsess about and get all twisted up with hormones and the lovely mood swings that come with being preggers. I've talked myself off the ledge, mostly, but still have intense moments where I get overwhelmed that this baby we wanted so much and wished/prayed/worked so hard for might end up not surviving.

On one hand I think it's beaten the odds several times already -- made it to a viable embryo, survived thawing, implanted, grew when it looked like it wouldn't and so on -- so it's made of hardy stuff. On the other hand I think about how much more crushing it will be to discover extreme issues this late in the game. How would I survive a loss now? I guess I would, that's what you do, find ways to grieve, deal with loss and continue to live, but it is almost unthinkable.

I've tried to talk to Tim about it, but he just doesn't process things the same way I do and we end up at cross-purposes. He's not logical about things like this -- preferring to say things like "I'm sure they made a mistake and it wasn't really there." That makes absolutely no sense to me to look at it that way, and it feels like he's dismissing my logical thought progression, causing my head to explode. I think he feels I keep pushing the bad stuff on him and he doesn't want to take it on, even when I'm just trying to talk it out. . . so in the end we just can't talk about the what-ifs yet. I have come to realize that things need to be much more concrete for him before he'll start to work through the problem. For example, with Stella's pregnancy he didn't even want to talk about names until we knew the sex of the child. He finally realized he had to when she was not cooperative and we were getting into the 3rd trimester without knowing if she was a boy or a girl. Until he realized the baby was coming in a few weeks he refused to do much with the lists I had started.

Follow up ultrasound on the 21st -- to have another practice do the test and have new eyes on it. I'm preparing myself for the fact that we're not likely to have resolution with this one. The most probable outcome is that we'll see some of it or (God forbid) other soft markers of issues and need to discuss next steps with the doctors. The only way to know for sure if there is anything out of the ordinary is amnio. We're not ready to go there yet due to the risks, but there may be a case where it makes sense to do later when the risks are lower.

We're in the middle of the pregnancy with neither the intensity of beginning or ending. There is the sense of not knowing and foreboding that creeps in when I don't keep pushing it away and the feeling that it will take forever to get to the end of the pregnancy. The time has changed and the days are getting darker and shorter. We all have colds and feel crappy, including Stella. Ugggg, all of this contributes to the sense of being in suspended animation. I'm praying a lot and trying to take better care of myself to get through the hump -- not sure what will work exactly, but I'll keep trying!

Ultrasound! with pictures :-)

2011-11-06T09:22:00.000-05:00

We had such hopes for the 19 week ultrasound this time. It goes without saying we wanted to see a healthy baby that was growing like it should. All the right parts in the right places and no signs of anything amiss. We also really wanted to learn the sex of the baby. I'm a planner and it's just easier to know if you're having a boy or a girl. Plus, I thought it might help Stella to understand that her world is changing if we could talk about a new brother or sister specifically.

Tim wasn't able to go to the ultrasound due to school, but Katie was in town for a long weekend and got to see it with me. I took a card with me because we asked the tech to pictures and a note if she was sure of the sex. Katie and I looked away while she did that part, so no one would know until Tim and I opened the envelope. This baby was much more cooperative and the tech could tell very quickly -- in fact she was 99.5% sure what the sex was. Yahoo! I was so excited when she handed me the envelope and the other pictures.

The baby looked great and was moving around well. They did see one sign that could be a soft marker for chromosomal abnormalities -- something that sounded like echofloursence of the abdomen or gut. So we'll have another ultrasound the week of Thanksgiving. This time at the hospital so another tech does it to see if they see anything similar. All the sequential screening came back negative, and they even used my current age, not the age I was when they collected the eggs, so those scores will only go more negative. I'm not going to worry (really!) until we have the next ultrasound to see if they see anything else. The only definitive test would be an amniocentesis. Tim and I agree that there would have to be really strong signs that something was really wrong -- something we would need to be prepared for at birth before we'd take the 1:200 risk of miscarriage of a healthy pregnancy. This is our last baby and last chance, no need to take unnecessary risks.

I got lunch for us and met Tim at school. In his classroom we looked at the pictures together and learned we are having a boy! Awesome -- the Kirk last name will live on and Stella will have a brother. I love my daughter and would have been ecstatic to have another daughter, but I'm glad to be having a son. I can't wait to see what he looks like and how his personality develops. Stella has pretty much been herself since day one, so I can already tell this baby will be different. He was cooperative at the ultrasound and is already moving around -- plus he'll have Stella for a big sister, and that's gotta count for something! Tim has been an awesome daddy to his little girl, but I know he's excited to have a son too. He has been sure this baby was a boy all along. I didn't know if it was wishful thinking or if he really had a gut feeling -- but either way he was right!

Don't be too upset by the picture below -- I promise I'll keep the penis shots of the baby to a minimum! This angle is as if you were looking up at a seated person from under the chair. The rounded edge of the butt is to the right and the legs are sticking out to the left. The "boy parts" are in the middle between the legs :-)

Now on to the real work -- getting our name list together. Since Stella and Sarah both start with S (not done on purpose) we are thinking of T names so the boys both have names that start with T. Josh suggested Tiberius as in James T. Kirk of Star Trek fame. I think it has a nice ring to it, but Tim's not going for it! We won't tell people names or even the list, because I don't think we'll be totally sure until we see him.

I'm still terribly fatigued, but the doc assures me that this is completely normal. Even if no one really talks about it. Especially with a toddler at home and working full time, he's not surprised or worried. I feel great today because I got lots of sleep this weekend with Katie taking on Stella duties and doing some special auntie things with her. They play well together. Stella now will say Katie and calls Jake by name. Good weekend in the Kirk house!

And, we've been here before, too! (Good News)

2011-10-22T20:23:00.000-04:00

So I should have posted since the last post, because there is actually great news to share. I’m still pregnant! In fact, I’m past the 17 week mark and going strong. LOTS of ups and downs to get to this point, and I’m not really enjoying being pregnant. That’s actually an understatement. As much as I realized pregnancy is hard work during Stella’s pregnancy, I just wasn’t prepared for how much harder it is the second time. I’m trying not to complain (and not totally succeeding, as you can see J). We are unbelievably thrilled that we get to do this a second time. It really didn’t look like it was going to be successful back in August and it wasn’t until later in September that I saw my OB for the first time. That’s a long time from the transfer in early July!

This baby is truly a gift of grace, coupled with the miracles of modern reproductive technology and the power of prayer. I absolutely believe with all that I am that the prayers we received made the difference in this embryo implanting and growing and us getting to this point.

Pregnancy at 40 is not for the faint of heart. Plus, I had not factored in the fact that we now have a toddler to care for. No more coming home from work and just lying around all evening before going to bed early. Now it’s the non-stop routine that we’d become used to, with the added physical stresses for me. Tim is also working full time (another blessing), but along with that comes the stresses of developing curricula for 5 classes and teaching 3 classes in a period 4 times a day. He’s also realizing what most teachers know and many parents don’t – namely that much of his time is spent doing paperwork for the state and the school documenting things and tracking stuff that may or may not have much to do with what he’s teaching the kids. We knew this year would be tough, but the reality, coupled with a difficult pregnancy is very energy intensive. I’ve picked up more of what he had been doing when work wasn’t so consuming for him and all of it leaves little time for us together or to do much other than just get the basics done. We’ll survive, but can’t say as I’m having a good time!

The other thing that surprised me was how depressing it is to gain weight and see my fit and slim body go by the wayside again. I worked so hard to lose the weight I gained with Stella – and all the weight that came on with the 2+ years of fertility treatments and miscarriages before her pregnancy. It felt so good to be healthy, not hormonally crazy and fit. I know I’ll get that back, but it still makes me sad to lose it. It’s lost for the most awesome reason, a new member of the family, and it is still difficult. As usual, my hormones are so out of whack and I feel a little bit hysterical all of the time inside my head. I have to work really hard just to not be that crazy pregnant lady (especially as I’ve just started telling people at work). Some days I just don’t have the coping skills I usually have – and I’m usually pretty good at finding the upside and creating positive situations. Losing that is almost as hard as the gaining weight! At least the touch-and-go type physical symptoms that had me calling the doctor’s office once a week have abated and all I’m left with are the headaches, joint aches and fatigue -- the normal stuff that most people experience and seem to be able to push through.

Pre-natal yoga starts on the 31^st. I hope I like the instructor as much this time as I did the last. For Stella’s pregnancy it was what got me through, so I’m very glad to be doing it again. I’m also taking Stella to swim lessons on Saturdays and that’s good for me to be in the water as well. She’s iffy on them. Some weeks she enjoys them and seems to be getting more comfortable in the water, and other weeks are like today where she didn’t want to get water anywhere near her face. We’ll keep going, keep it light and I hope she begins to be more comfortable in the water. She does like going to the Y, though and is always excited to get in the car. Maybe there is hope yet!

Unfortunately, We've been here before

2011-08-07T22:15:00.000-04:00

And I can assure you it wasn’t a whole lot of fun. At the doctor’s office on Thursday we saw only a small yolk sac. No fetal pole and no heart beat. The fetus should have been much further on in development by now. With Stella we had a heart beat and everything looked just as it needed to. With the other two pregnancies before her we had variations on this same theme of underdevelopment. I had been spotting off and on for a few days, so we were preparing ourselves to hear not so great news. It’s always tough, however, to have your fears confirmed. Oddly, the doctor didn’t think the spotting was completely related to the lack of development, he thought it was likely related to irritation from the vaginal progesterone I’m taking.

To add insult to injury, I still have a lot of pain and discomfort from my enlarged ovaries. I can tell you exactly where my uterus is because I can feel it. It turns out one of my distended ovaries has flopped over and is lying on top of the uterus, pushing down on it. Lovely. My abdomen is also filling up with fluid again. Not nearly as bad as before, but my belly looks like a bowl full of jelly! So I’m not really pregnant and I look fat -- just how I want to celebrate my upcoming 40^th birthday. I haven’t been able to exercise in the past two months and have lost so much fitness. I was prepared to sacrifice my thinner, fitter body for a pregnancy, but it seems I sacrificed it only for a chance at one -- a chance that didn’t pan out. I'm really not looking forward to the months of coming down off the hormones and trying to get my energy and fitness back. Not to mention my figure. From experience, it will take a while before I feel good again.

We have a follow up ultrasound at the Grand Rapids office on Wednesday, the day before we head out for vacation. It’s mostly to do the final confirmation and to discuss how to handle the miscarriage while we are in Maine. It sounds like if I continue to take the progesterone for a few days I can put off the worst discomfort until after our 3 day costal kayaking trip. I know there is not one darn thing I could do to change this outcome, and I’m still in a serious funk about it. I’m so grateful we have a vacation coming up very soon. Tim and I will do some recharging, reconnecting and be able to discuss what we want to do next, if anything.

We do have some very fun things planned for our trip, so we’re focusing on getting ready to get away. So much to prepare for Katie and Mom so they can enjoy time with Stella – support from our local teen baby sitters, maps and directions of how to get places to do fun stuff, trying to set up play dates with friends so Stella has kids to play with and packing for ourselves. And, I can’t forget lining up someone to mow the lawn while we’re gone. At least Bea will stay home as Katie and Mom are glad to have her around. We also convinced ourselves that we better buy a iPad and get it set up for a data plan. How else will we be able to Skype with Stella while we’re gone? We do need to get away, but I’m going to miss that little girl like crazy!

It was a very busy week

2011-07-31T20:39:00.000-04:00

Thank God Stella did not have hand foot and mouth disease. She also didn’t have any more bouts of night terrors. I’m also feeling better. Some of the fluid has dissipated and I no longer am quite as uncomfortable. My mom’s visit was great over the first weekend Tim was gone. The week went by fast, and we did miss him, but we also had some fun. Dinner with friends on Monday, a great walk with Bea on Tuesday and good evenings together the rest of the week. I even got to take the day off on Friday and take Stella to her music together class. I really have not given Tim enough credit for taking her the past weeks. Totally not his thing at all! We sang together and did silly things and the kids ran around. Not that he can’t be silly, but it just shows how much he loves that crazy little girl that he sat on the floor and sang silly songs and made faces with another group of adults. We met up with friends Saturday morning for a short park play session and then Stella and I both had great naps before Tim and the team returned Saturday evening.

I haven’t heard all the stories, but the mission trip was successful. Homes were repaired, new connections made and the whole group really got to experience the transformative power of faith and being the hands and feet of Christ. The girls apparently rocked at manual labor and wielding tools. The pig at the home where Tim and his team worked even friended the them on facebook. Not too bad for a week’s work!

We’re hanging in there for the ultrasound on Thursday. I’m not feeling great. There is cramping and a little bit of spotting, so I’m trying to be hopeful without being unrealistic. We’ve been talking a little bit about what it might mean if this round is also a no-go. I’m not sure what that would be, yet. We’ll cross the bridge when we need to. Most importantly, even if this is a flat-out bust, we’re in this together and I’m so grateful for my wonderful husband. I had to wait a long time to find him, I guess waiting even longer to build the family we so desire isn’t the worst that could happen!

Stella has been extra cute the past few weeks, and that makes me want a second child even more. I know that another child will be his/her own person and not exactly like Stella, but having daily reminders of how amazing it is to bring a child into the world and nurture their growth just reinforces parenting is worth all this bother.

Now, it's off to bed for my very, very, very early morning flight to check out some flour mills. The new job in quality is always keeping me on my toes!

Not getting any worse . . .

2011-07-23T20:51:00.002-04:00

So that’s doesn’t sound terribly exciting – not getting any worse – but believe me it is a step in the right direction! Tim left today for ASP (mission trip, Appalachia Service Project) and will be gone all week. So Stella and I get to hang out and do our thing together. This hardly ever happens, although Tim and Stella spend a lot of one on one time when I travel. I was really looking forward to this week until I started feeling so crappy with the OHSS stuff. Mom is here for the weekend, and will take Stella to day care on Monday before she heads home, so that takes some of the pressure off. I really need to go to work on Monday.

I’m also trying not to obsess too much about the beta test on Monday. The thing is, we’ve been here before. At least one of the pregnancies that didn’t make it had betas where the numbers weren’t quite going up as they should. I don’t recall all the details of those cycles as I they were so stressful and sad that I didn’t keep track of all the details, let alone remember it. I know we are incredibly lucky to have Stella and to have had one positive outcome. That doesn’t cure me of wanting more of the awesome magic that we get to experience every day. It’s almost more difficult because life with Stella is so great.

Great in so many ways, except that she was exposed to a kid at day care that was diagnosed with hand, food and mouth disease. Oh Lord, please do not let her have this! I can’t deal with a sick kid when I’m barely dragging my butt around. I also need to go to work, not take the week off because she can’t go to day care. Oh yeah, the other thing I’m praying for is that no one else at day care gets it because half the kids there are Margie’s own, and if they are contagious, Stella can’t go.

The other new, fun twist is Stella is experiencing night terrors. These are the scariest things I have ever seen. It is seriously like she is possessed. Her eyes are wide open, she is screaming at the top of her lungs and practically foaming at the mouth. She’s not awake and you can’t wake her up or soothe her very easily. Not sure what to do about this. The only thing that has worked so far has been to rock her and take her to the guest bedroom and hold her until she calms down. She’s incredibly restless after that, but not screaming and going stiff as a board. No one gets much sleep. I’ll have to talk to other mothers and see if anyone else has dealt with it. Hope I’m in a better frame of mind tomorrow!

When Ovaries Attack!

2011-07-21T17:33:00.000-04:00

What happens when your ovaries overreact? They get very angry and take it out on you. Mine are quite miffed about having to work again for this cycle and the transfer. They have overreacted and I’m experiencing Medium Ovarian Hyperstimulation (sure would hate to see severe!). That means my abdomen has swelled so large with fluid that I look 6 months pregnant and I’m incredibly uncomfortable. The nurse said after my ultrasound today “I’d be really uncomfortable if my ovaries looked like your do.” I stayed in bed all day today and still don’t feel any better. The extra blood work and everything seems like there isn’t any imminent danger, so I’m just supposed to take it easy. Can’t really sit in a chair for very long, so going to work is out . . . trying to see how much work I can actually get done. Very curious as to why the hyperstimulated ovaries result in abdominal fluid accumulation. The reaction is supposed to peak at 3 weeks after the trigger shot (next Monday) so we'll see how well I survive.

There is some (potential) good news. The first beta test was 67 – very decent for me and in line with what we saw with Stella. The second today was only 119 – not doubling like they want it to do. We’ll retest on Monday and see where we end up. I’ve been so sure (inside) that this round was going to work as well, that I’m a bit stunned by this non-doubling. Still – it is what it is – and nothing I can do will change it. We’re not down and out yet, but definitely not out of the woods. Ultrasound on Aug. 4^th will be more telling and then we’ll have an idea if the embryo has a heartbeat (which is should) and is progressing as it should otherwise. We leave for our fabulous Maine vacation on the 11^th. Cutting it close – I know – but it’s how all the timing worked out. We do have trip insurance if I’m going to miscarry, but that would totally suck in several ways. No baby and no vacation. Praying so hard it doesn’t come to that!

Ugh! Who wants ovaries the size of hens eggs?

2011-07-06T21:36:00.000-04:00

So your normal ovary is the size of a walnut. Mine are currently at least the size of a regular egg, hedging toward tennis ball size. Try stuffing that into the same space that was once a walnut. My belly is so bloated that I look pregnant already. Oh joy -- I really do want to look pregnant -- when I'm actually pregnant!

I have one whole vial of Follistim in the fridge that I didn't even use. I'll donate it to the RE practice as they will give it to someone who can use it and doesn't have coverage. I only used about 50 IUs out of another vial, but that one can't be used by anyone else. Such a waste of tiny little tubes that cost $400 each! (Now that we're through the deductible, the meds only cost me 10% -- thank goodness for a bit of insurance coverage. Our fist two cycles we paid full price for them out of pocket. That really hurt!)

The process of getting through the last bits of monitoring and getting ready for the transfer really messed up our holiday weekend. I had an appointment on Sunday morning. Because it makes more sense for the holiday for the office to not do ultrasounds on Saturday and instead do them on Sunday. Let's give everyone Saturday off, have them work Sunday and then have Monday off? Not sure how that works, but such is life. After the appointment on Sunday, the nurse told me to make an appointment for Tuesday morning for more monitoring. Did that and took off to Chicago to see Kate, Jen and their families. Just as we got to Chicago, the nurse called and told me the "good news." No appointment on Tuesday, but I needed to do the trigger shot Monday night -- those specialty pharmacy meds were still in MI because the didn't need to be used until after that Tuesday appointment. Sigh, we had to leave Monday afternoon to get back home in time to do the trigger shot. All in all, we were in Chicago for less than 30 hours.

We still managed to pack in quite a bit of fun into those 30 hours. The kids played hard. I've never seen Stella so busy. She was the youngest there (the next in age is 2 1/2), but the older kids were great with her and she loved trying to mimic them. Monday morning all the kids were so very tired, they practically fell asleep over breakfast. We saw a great parade with, count 'em, three marching bands! I do sure love me a parade with marching bands :-) No fireworks, though, which really bummed me out. I love, love, love fireworks. Tim found the New York City ones on TV, and we watched them. Outstanding, even on TV. It made me remember all those years ago that I went into NYC with my friend Ivonne and watched the fireworks from a rooftop where a friend of hers lived.

Embryo transfer is scheduled for Friday at noon. Hope I survive until then with my achy swollen abdomen. I seem to remember that this ovarian distension persisted for weeks after the transfer and into my pregnancy -- not sure if it was with Stella or with the previous pregnancies. Still, I'll take all of this and more for the chance to have another child.

Stella is a genius -- and we're in trouble!

2011-07-02T13:59:00.000-04:00

One of the best things about parenting is the entertainment value in seeing your child learn and grow. There is also usually some pride associated with it, like, "look at my kid!" Today Stella hit a new milestone, one she is very proud of. Me, not so much. She learned how to take her diaper cover off. For those of you who aren't familiar with cloth dipes, that means that the soggy, poopy cotton diaper was exposed and there were some suspiciously damp spots on her sheet. She was very happy waking up from her nap and when I went in to get her from her, handed the cover to me with a great big grin!

Not a catastrophe, yet. She hasn't learned how to take the snappie (the ingenious doohickey that holds the diaper closed) off. Once that happens, well, we're in for even more fun! Especially if it's a poopy diaper . . .

She's definitely hit a growth spurt in terms of learning how to do things. She can now go up and down the shorter steps on the deck by herself. She uses the railing to support herself and keep her balance. She doesn't want to crawl down any set of stairs any longer, she waits for us to give us her hands so she can 'walk' down like everyone else does. She's also decided that her sippy cups are no fun for water. She wants to drink her water out of our sports bottles. She's quite logical -- when she knew Daddy was in the back yard, but couldn't see him, she went to the window in the bedroom (at the other end of the house) to get the right angle to see him. She's never looked out this widow before, but she just kept going until she could see Tim. Give her enough time, and she can just about figure out how anything opens, or closes or which buttons to push to make it work. And, she's loving the new iPad Tim has for class next year. I hear toddlers understand how to make it iPads work really fast! All of this is on target for her age (almost 18 months), and it is really keeping us on our toes.

In other news, the drugs are still making me crazy, I've just started to get used to it. Mostly I've just been eating a lot. I call it eating my inner bitch into submission. It's working, so far, but I can't continue this without a big weight gain. One of the purposes for losing the baby weight and then some was to be at a healthier weight for this cycle to support a better chance of pregnancy.

Our big plans for the weekend now won't start until Sunday afternoon because of the crazy holiday weekend schedule for the doctor's office. They won't do ultrasounds on Saturday, but they're happy to do them on Sunday. Huh? Whatever, it is what it is, and I just have to suck it up. I have a 7:30 appointment in GR (1 hr away) so it's an early start to the day, but that means we can get on the road early too. There is a pretty good chance the next appointment will be Tuesday, so I hope we don't have to come home early.

Happy 4th of July! Hope you get to enjoy some great fireworks.

I just may bite your head off!

2011-06-29T13:05:00.000-04:00

I am usually very slow to respond to the Follistim, so this time the doc started me on much higher levels -- 150 IU right out of the gate. Holy Crap! This is the worst PMS I've ever had. It's not physical, it's all mental. I do feel bloated, not bad, just to notice. The biggest deal is that I have a verrrrry short fuse. Little things make me want to use very bad words and be very rude. I'm trying my best not to say these things outside my head, but it's really difficult. Poor Tim, he's going to bear the brunt of it.
I also have big mood swings and difficulties keeping on track at work (a tough job in the best of circumstances). I got a chair massage yesterday, and that helped for a bit. I'm also doing a lot of deep breathing and mental focus stuff to keep from losing it. I'm counting down the days until we're through this part of the cycle and the drugs ease up. Or maybe until I adjust to them and they don't hit me quite so hard. Some good stuff coming up -- trip to Chicago to see friends over the weekend -- so hopefully that will keep me distracted. Prayers for keeping my sh*t together accepted!

Here's hoping the 4th time is a charm too!

2011-06-24T21:29:00.000-04:00

It took three tries at IVF for us to be parents and for Stella to enter this world. Well, to be correct, it was really one fresh IVF cycle and two FETs (frozen embryo transfers). It also took a big chunk of money (funny what we could afford when we had one very clear focus) and almost 4 years of our lives spent living on an emotional roller coaster. I won't even start with how crazy the hormones made me, or the fact that I can now stab myself in the ass with a very long needle and slowly inject a viscous medication -- in public restroom on the other side of the country while traveling for work. No strange stares from the other women in the bathroom while I was doing that, for sure! I once had a needle phobia. Ha! that was nothing compared to the tragedy of not being a parent. You do what you have to do.

In very real terms we were lucky with awesome doctors and a small amount of medical coverage. I had a lot of good follicles that led to good eggs and viable embryos. I got pregnant from each cycle. When I miscarried on the fresh cycle, our embryos had frozen well and then survived thawing. Then of course, there is the amazing little girl that has taken over our hearts. Despite all the difficulty, this is sooooo much further than many hopeful parents ever get. Having essentially won the IVF lottery with Stella, however, doesn't stop me from wanting more babies. Yeah, yeah, it's understandable and all that, but I still feel selfish at times.

We have three embryos left and I'm starting the (very expensive) meds tomorrow for our final cycle. I have different feelings as we approach this last cycle. Part of me is in a really good place -- I know that there isn't anything I can do that can change the outcome, and I'm investing as much positive energy as possible. I feel hopeful, calm and even excited about what could happen over the next few months.

Part of me is quite fearful about what I'll feel if it doesn't work. This is the end of the road for our infertility journey. It feels surreal that this path that we have been faithfully following over the last 5 years will soon be concluding, one way or another. At other times I'm actually afraid about what it means if I get pregnant. The miscarriages were much harder than I expected. Rationally, I understood what was happening and accepted it. Emotionally the fear of loss carried into my pregnancy with Stella. Looking back, the losses definitely affected both Tim and me and how we dealt with the pregnancy. I didn't have as much joy as expected because the specter of loss was ever present. If I'm honest, I can see that I had a lot of anxiety during the pregnancy and even more after it. I might even go as far as to say that I showed signs of depression during the pregnancy. In the end, it didn't prove debilitating, but if I am pregnant again and start to feel the same way, I'm definitely going to find a therapist to help me deal with it more effectively. Yoga and meditation went a long way to helping, but I'd like more than the fact that I was able to get out of bed and go to work. When I'm pregnant again I want to be more joyful!

Whew! If I'm all over the map with my emotions right now, just wait and see how it after a few weeks of injectable meds!

We're bad bloggers!

2010-06-22T21:44:00.000-04:00

Lots of fun stuff going on around here. Just no time to write it all down. Over Memorial day Tim went on his annunal fishing trip with buddy Scott and Stella and I went to Ohio to visit. Had a wonderful time, but somehow most of the pictures ended up on other peoples cameras. The day after I got back from the Memorial day trip, I was off to Orlando for work. Tim and Stella flew down to Ft. Meyers the following Friday and I joined them in visiting with Stan and Karen. Stella did not enjoy the flights and the people around her enjoyed them even less. Soooo glad we're not getting on another plane with her any time soon! So much more to say about the trip and what we've been up to since then, but I know you're really here for the pictures :-)

With Cousin Sami (my cousin Scott's oldest daughter)

With Grandmary's Jamie. She's still little . . .

On Sanibel Island

First Dip in the Water!

She loved the pool!

Baby Butt! The cutest ever :-)

Grandpa Stan and Grandma Karen

Happy 4 Months!

2010-05-06T11:56:00.004-04:00

Stella is four months old today! It's been nothing but great joy watching her grow and develop. She's now reaching for things and holding on. She found my chest hair the other day, OUCH, so I'm keeping my shirt on around her for awhile.

Her four month doctor's appointment is this coming Monday so we'll find out her official weight and length but she's about 12-13 pounds according to our rough calculations using our home scale. I swear there are mornings I look at her and she's grown a lot overnight. Her head control is outstanding as she will hold her head up, looking around when we raise her above us in a Superman hold. She's still not a huge fan of holding her head up during tummy time but she's getting much better at it, holding it up for longer stretches before she decides it's not much fun and starts to fuss.
I've been able to get substitute teaching jobs about 2 or 3 times a week so that's good for me to get out into the world and deal with other people's kids. I've taught from 12th graders in High School all the way down to Kindergartners in gym class. The gym class was total chaos but loads of fun. That same day I had some 1st and 2nd graders and could really tell the developmental difference between just those three years. The second graders could concentrate more on throwing and hitting a big cushy softball with a padded bat and the kindergartners just wanted to run around chasing the balls as I threw them around the gym.

I've confirmed my desire to teach high schoolers instead of elementary students and middle schoolers would be much more of a handful but I've found I can connect with them better than anticipated so I won't rule a job teaching middle schoolers.

Here's a couple of pictures I took today. I put her in the MSU onesie and she looked too boyish so I added the pink pants for girl power.

Stella's happy to be 4 month's old

Stella looking and grabbing a hanging toy.

Back to Work!

2010-05-02T21:16:00.000-04:00

In my head I've written several insightful, witty and fun to read accounts of going back to work. The reason that you haven't read any of them is that Mommy has no spare time! That's right, I finally understand why parents of small children fall off the face of the earth and only resurface years later when the kids are ready to move out of the house. I finally understand why no one cleans their own house any longer. The dirt is out of control here. When I look around, I don't want to spend any time cleaning because everything is too far gone I don't know where to start. In fact, I am writing this now so I have an excuse not to tidy the living room.

I've been back to work for about 3 weeks now. I don't hate it, but don't love it either. Don't worry, the love will come back. It's just that the transition takes a lot of energy and it will take time. Work has been good, not too crazy and my co-workers and manager have been helpful as I get my head back in the game. I am enjoying working with them again. I didn't miss working, but I did miss my co-workers.

I also took my first trip for work last week -- I was gone for 2 nights and parts of three days. It went OK. I wasn't too overcome with sadness or guilt and Tim and Stella did fine too. I think it was a bit more work for Tim than he imagined, but we all survived. I missed cuddling with my girl, especially at night when I was falling asleep in the hotel room, but the testing went well and I learned a lot. Again with those great co-workers!

Lots of fun this weekend: Some of it involved beer. Not too shabby! Met the yoga moms (from my prenatal yoga class) at the Bell's beer garden (http://www.bellsbeer.com/cafe.html) mid day on Friday. We hung out and exchanged baby stories while sitting on a picnic blanket under some trees. Fab weather and all the babies were super cute and well behaved. Loved sharing cloth diapering tips while drinking beer. The vibe at Bell's is always fun and, during the day, wonderfully kid and family friendly. A couple of us were having so much fun we called our hubbies, they came down and we shared dinner on the aforementioned picnic blanket. Super relaxing and a wonderful afternoon to spend with my beautiful baby after missing her for 2+ days.

Saturday was the March of Dimes March for Babies. It was damp to start, but the sun came out and we had a good day. We raised $240! My original, modest, goal was $100. It was amazing to hear (actually read on the backs of T-shirts) the stories of some of the most challenged preemies. Some were so terribly early and teeny tiny (less than 2 pounds) it is a wonder that they survived at all. Many folks were walking in honor of the ones who didn't survive. I am forever grateful that Stella was a garden variety preemie. The things she had to learn were pretty standard and she benefited so very much from all the work that has been done for preemies. It was a big deal, but we were so much better off than a lot of the babies in the NICU. Praise God! After the march we celebrated the wedding of our friends Erin and Julie who were married in VT almost 2 months ago. I am continually reminded of the importance of our communities of connection and how we all depend on the networks we build. Tim and I have been blessed with the family and friends who surrounded us in our marriage and life and our new foray into parenthood. I am honored to be part of that 'village' for other people as they begin their journeys. The best part of that is as you are added to the community for other people and families, they are added to yours and the circle of support and love just keeps growing!

Will try to take more pics of the snugglebuggle over the next few days -- I know that's the only reason why some of you tune in here. She's growing like a weed -- longer and heavier every day. She'll be 4 months old on Thursday. Can't believe that we've had her that long, it only feels like it's been a few weeks. We'll be to the docs on the 10th for a check up and shots. She'll still be small for a 4 month old, but feels pretty good to us!

Uncle Josh and Aunt Allison

2010-04-12T15:03:00.000-04:00

Good times in Michigan this weekend! Uncle Josh and Aunt Allison visited to meet Stella. Mom & Dan and Katie (with doggie Jake in tow) all descended on the Kirk household for a fabulous weekend.

Uncle Josh thought Stella was pretty cute and was glad to know she really existed, not just in pictures. Aunt Allison was a natural and did a great job holding and feeding Stella. She even got a lesson in cloth diapering. Between Grandma Mary Lou and the aunts, Mom and Dad didn’t have to do much except the late night/early morning feedings. No one wanted to do those – wonder why?

We ate at a couple of really good restaurants. Mom and Dan even tried Indian food – and seemed to like it OK. We also visited the Kalamazoo Nature center and talked to the bee keeper as he explained how the hive at the nature center works. The hive is set up inside Plexiglas so we could see all the activity. We even saw the queen lay eggs while her court circled around her. We saw bees with pollen on their legs dance out the directions for other bees and asked lots and lots of questions. Well, Allison and I asked lots of questions. The rest took a couple of quick looks and then wandered around. The rest of the time was spent hanging out and catching up. Tim made a wonderful meal on Sunday and Grandpa Kirk and Uncle Bill joined us for the grub. We also squeezed in a trip to Bell’s downtown while Grandma watched Stella. Now Joshy and Allison are on their way back to DC. I miss my little brother already!

We missed having Grandpa Tom and Grandma Judi with us. Dad’s hip replacement surgery has been a terrible ordeal for him and for Judi. He’s still in the hospital recovering from the second surgery and is having a really difficult time. The surgeries themselves were difficult, but the worst has been the neurological issues that he’s having due to reactions to the anesthesia. He had to have a second surgery because he dislocated his hip multiple times after the first surgery. The whole saga began on March 1st, and still continues!

Josh, Allison, Katie, Stella and I made a video for Judi and Dad – we just have to figure out how to post and/send so that Judi can play if for Dad in the hospital.

Bonus Pic: Cloth diapers drying on the line! Reusable and drying using wind & sun power :-)

Easter Fun!

2010-04-12T14:45:00.001-04:00

Easter Sunday was a beautiful day, if a bit chilly. Still, that meant that Stella could wear the beautiful wooly lambie coat that Grandma Judi had gotten her over her cute little Easter dress and sweater (a Target find -- nothin' but the best for our princess :-). First thing in the morning, she opened the Easter basket Grandma Mary Lou had given her. Mommy was more excited about this than she was. She got finger puppets from the Big Bunny and books full of fun stories-- I'm sure she'll be more interested in them as she gets older.

Stella behaved beautifully at church and everyone ohhed and ahhhed over how beautiful she looked in her coat, dress and fuzzy bunny slippers (from my friend Jen and her daughter Anna -- passing along things that Anna has outgrown). But, the real excitement began just as we got home. Stella let us know that she was quite hungry. After all, celebrating the resurrection is hard work! As Daddy fed her, Mommy was tidying up in her room. Daddy rushed in saying, "I think she pooped." As Mommy stepped in to change the dirty diaper, Daddy realized that not only had she pooped in her disposable diaper, she had blow it out! The bloomers were soaked, the dress too, and -- look at the big spot on Daddy's pants! And, as he retraced his steps, whoops, there were some spots on the floor too! It's a good thing we are used to dealing with dog and cat spots on the rug; we had just the stuff to clean it off. A short soak and some Shout! took care of the clothing, and soon everything was good as new. The moral of this story is that cloth diapers are much better at containing big poopies. And that Stella apparently doesn't like to dress up!

Pictures & More Pictures

2010-03-24T17:07:00.000-04:00

Nap time with Daddy. Wonder who's enjoying it more?

The silliest paci keeper ever. The flower almost hides her whole face.

I call the look in the pink her "game face." Her headband slipped down so it looks like a sweat band. Wonder if she's going to play basketball or tennis? She also seems to like it when Daddy gives her a bath more than when Mommy does. Look at her smile here!

These pics were taken when the last of the snow was on the ground. The whole family was hiking at Asylum Lake. Note the good use of Aunt Katie's gift of the Baby Bjorn. We are using it alot these days.

There she grows!

2010-03-24T16:56:00.000-04:00

Stella has outgrown almost all of her newborn clothing and is into her 0-3 and 3 months clothes! The 3 months are a little big (as in the pic above). She's right around 9 1/2 pounds. More than double her birth weight.

We've also been tracking her development. It's a bit tricky because we look at her as her corrected age, and reference that in the books or on-line. Add to that the fact all those references seem to be less than definitive and I'm not terribly sure just what she's supposed to be able to do right now. They say things like "your baby might" or "most babies are able to" or my favorite, "every baby is an individual." Right now Stella is almost at her actual age in some areas. She will hold her head up on her own almost all of the time. She can also get her head up to a 45-degree angle when in tummy time and pushes up with her hands. She usually favors one side or the other, but will push up with both arms. She can also get most of one side of her body up in the air. Not close enough to flip over, but I can see how it will lead to that. Today she showed me how she will follow an object with her eyes and by moving her head -- both from right to left and up and down. R to L is stronger than the up and down. She loves looking at herself in the mirror and will watch mom and dad very intently. She also recognizes us by looking at us when we talk to her, even if the other is holding her. Where I think she's a bit behind is that she doesn't smile much socially. She'll smile at us when we talk to her, but doesn't smile at other people. Today, however, she surprised herself with a burp and it caused her to break out into a big, real smile. She also isn't vocalizing as much as the books say she should for her corrected age. She will make some aahhh, aahhh sounds and plenty of grunting/groaning/squeaking sounds as well as crying. Occasionally she'll make a gaaah sound from the back of her throat, but she doesn't make many other sounds and hasn't tried any other consonant sounds.

I'm sure it will all come with time . . . like any new parent I'm concerned and her preemieness (new word!) adds another layer to it all.

Getting poked by needles is not fun!

2010-03-13T13:13:00.001-05:00

Oops -- thought I had posted this but only saved the draft. I'm sure all of you out there were dying to know what she weighs and how she handled her shots :-)

Stella had her 2 month doctor's appointment on March 8th. We saw Dr. Gibson (church friend) and Stella passed with flying colors. She weighs 8 lb 11 oz and is 20.5 in long! Almost double her birth weight, and aproximately 50th percentile for her corrected age. (Corrected age = age she would be had she been full term. We should count milestones by her corrected age, not her actual age until she is about 1 year old.) She's not as far along with milestones as a 2 month old baby would be, but she is doing some things more than a 2-3 week old baby would do. We have definitely noticed how much she's filled out, even since we took pictures at Valentine's day (approximately when she would have been due).

She also got her 2 mo. vaccines. 3 shots and one oral. She's really worn out and fussy this afternoon, but daddy is doing a good job of soothing her and helping her be as relaxed as possible. Lately she's been all over the place with sleeping and awake times as well as the amounts she's eating. So, anything is possible tonight!

Pictures

2010-03-08T21:59:00.001-05:00

Stella doing tummy time on floor, Bea getting an up close sniff

Mom and Stella on first outing, walk with Bea and Dad on Portage bike trail.

Stella and Bea

Cousin Steffanie holding Stella.

Stella @ 2 Months

2010-03-08T15:03:00.004-05:00

Stella turned 2 months old on March 6th. The semi-self imposed quarantine is now lifted and we can take Stella out in public! We celebrated this weekend by going out to eat 3 times, going to church with her for the first time and having a Kirk family party at our house. Good times we had by all (including the Princess) and Tim and I were ready to crash at 8 pm last night.

Aunt Katie arrived Friday evening so we went out to eat the first time that evening. On Saturday, Katie and I went to our local nail salon. I had a much needed pedicure -- not being able to reach my feet for a few months and the winter had left my tootsies looking quite rough -- and Katie had a mani. Stella went with us and got lots of compliments. The owners of the salon have a preemie of their own. She is 9 months now, and was born 6 weeks early -- just like Stella. It was great to talk to someone who had been through a similar experience and see that her daughter was doing well. They have experienced a few delays in developmental milestones, but they work out to be on time when adjusted for the prematurity. Katie and I took Stella to Noodles and Co. for lunch. It's a big kid lunch place on Saturdays, so we felt like we were in good company. We ate out again Saturday night -- just for the novelty of taking Stella out and being able to eat together without someone at home to watch the baby.

Sunday was Stella's first church service at Chapel Hill. She slept through most of it and liked the music. The only time she really woke up was when the drums started in on a song and startled her. When we went up to take communion, Tim held her and demonstrated his mastery of baby holding by using one arm to hold her and the other to take the bread and dip it in the juice. Everyone was excited to see her and welcome her to the family. We sat with Auntie Joanie and she helped by holding Stella when she was a bit restless.

Then it was on to home and hosting Tim's dad, Uncle Bob, sister Teri and BIL Mike, niece Steffanie, step-sister Sue and BIL Keith and their two boys Nick and Zach. Razzy chicken and cheezy potatoes were enjoyed along with pineapple upside down cake and flour-less chocolate cake for dessert. It was great to see everyone and mom and dad got a break as Stella was passed around from relative to relative. Amazing weekend, but is it any wonder that we were ready to drop by Sunday evening?

Harvey Karp is a genius

2010-03-08T14:47:00.003-05:00

. . . and Tim is pretty darn smart too. Stella has been increasingly restless and crying more often. I actually say she is 'yelling' because it's not as much crying as it is vocalizing that she's not happy about something. I wouldn't say she was colicky, yet, but it was getting darn close! In a funny serendipitous turn of events, we had borrowed a DVD of "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp the same day my mom (Grandma Mary Lou) called to say she had found this DVD and thought it could really help.

And help it did! Tim and I watched it that same night. Stella was on my lap and was mildly fussy. I followed along with the techniques on the DVD and she hushed exactly like the babies on the TV. Amazing! One of the keys is harsh sounding background/white noise. Our Sleep Sheep doesn't get loud enough. So Tim downloaded a white noise track onto his iPod and put it on repeat. The swaddling, the swinging and the white noise have worked wonders for Stella's sleeping. We also combine these with the swing when she's really fractious and she calms right down. We're working to get Stella to sleep longer during the night and these techniques have really come in handy.

We watched a lot of videos at the hospital in the NICU about caring for your baby -- I really think this one should be added to the list. He's also written a book, so I'm going to request it from the library and see what else he has to say. Take a look at his website if you want to know more: http://www.happiestbaby.com/.

More of the good stuff -- pics of lovely Stella

2010-02-26T21:29:00.008-05:00

She was really alert today in the middle of the day, so I took some great pics. Don't you think she looks like Tim in these photos? I love the raised eyebrow look. It's one of my faves. I know I'm biased, but seriously, isn't she the cutest baby of all time?

Cardiologist Update

2010-02-26T21:20:00.003-05:00

Good news! Stella's hear murmur is a common one that is often found in preemies. It's a pulmonary something-or-other. Can't quite remember exactly what the doctor said (unusual for me, I know). Essentially, the blood leaves the heart and the vessel splits in two to feed blood to each lung. The angle of that split is acute and this causes turbulence in the blood flow and the murmur. The murmur doesn't affect the functionality of her heart. As Stella grows, the angle will change and the turbulence and the murmur should go away. Doc said that she'll most likely outgrow it by the time she's 6 months old. Our pediatricians will monitor her and unless something else comes up, that's all we need to do.

They did an exam, an EKG and an echo of her heart. She was really good for all of them, especially the echo where she needed to lie still for over 30 minutes. We did have to take one break when the technician was pushing the ultrasound probe into her stomach and Stella didn't like it, but overall it went really well. She's such a trooper.

More Doctor Visits

2010-02-24T21:57:00.003-05:00

Stella had her second RSV vaccine shot last Friday. RSV is a respiratory virus that most everyone has already been exposed to and usually causes only mild cold like symptoms, but can be very dangerous to preemies and babies with other risk factors. Stella will get one shot every 28-31 days through April. Very expensive -- almost $1000 per dose. We are "lucky" in that we've met our family out of pocket deductible for the year (in February!) and won't even have to pay our co-insurance on it.

During the appointment for the shot, the doctor heard what he thinks could be a small heart murmur. It was very faint, and only detectable because she was so very still when he was examining her. He also said it could be a murmur in the vessels around the heart or in the lungs. So we see the pediatric cardiologist on Friday to check it all out. It's likely to be nothing -- we hope -- but we definitely need to have it checked.

In related info, we got the EOB for Stella's NICU stay. The initial charge to the insurance for the 20 day stay was over $69,000! The negotiated/allowable amount was more than $24,000. Thank God that we actually have insurance. Even with the insurance, you can see why we've met our out of pocket max. Of course, they never show the patient the whole breakdown of the charges, and during the stay we had no idea what it was all costing. (That is a huge part of the health care problem this country is facing!) Add that to the cost of giving birth and this was one heck of a way to start the year. I'm also contesting some of the charges as the amounts we owe are being calculated differently than they told me they would calculate them. I'll post more on that when/if I have the whole story and if I have any energy left to write about it. The whole process with my HR group and the insurance has been hellish and I've had to work very, very hard to even understand what I needed to to after Stella's birth.

Adventures in the Great Outdoors

2010-02-22T19:59:00.003-05:00

You would never know it by today's weather, but we've had some great February sunshine in MI the last few days, and I was actually able to take advantage of it!

On Saturday, I bundled up Stella and took her for a walk in her stroller -- for the very first time. First, I had to prove to her daddy that she was going to be warm enough. It was 40 + degrees outside and really sunny and I dressed her in layers. After the diaper, we put on a onesie followed by a fleece outfit that had a hood pulled up over a hat. She had on socks and then mittens (that will fit much better next winter, but did the trick). I put down one blanket under her and covered her up with another. Once that was all accomplished, Tim seemed satisfied, so we set off. We only went around the block as I had to avoid those neighbors that I know don't shovel their sidewalks. Stella seemed to enjoy it, and slept most of the time. I had to be careful to adjust the shade so no sun was on her face as she didn't enjoy the light interrupting her nap!

On Sunday, Tim was skiing, so I took it up a notch and included Bea in the mix. It was a bit windy so this time Stella was in my Moby wrap (tucked in a baby carrier next to my body) and I put my coat on over her and zipped it up. I'm sure people who saw me wondered just what was wrong with me that I looked so misshapen with a strange, uneven lump on my chest! We had a blast, and walked for about 30 minutes. Stella slept again and Bea enjoyed being out of the house -- as did I!

Before Stella was born, I had daydreams about all the walks we'd take in the balmy spring air and the adventures we'd have. I imagined walking to the custard stand and treating myself and the dog to ice cream. I also imagined walking to the Tea/Chocolate shop and stopping for a latte and a treat. Since I'll likely be back at work before the weather cooperates, we'll have to do with short walks in the winter sunshine. I'm still looking forward to hikes and picnics this summer with Tim, Bea and Stella.

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

2010-02-15T17:47:00.003-05:00

It's been a while that I've posted so apologies for that. I'm well suited for the third shift now as staying up all night is no problem for me. Unfortunately it's time to start getting Stella to sleep some more during the night and attempt to get on some type of wake/feed/sleep schedule. She's starting to sleep for 3 to 4 hours at times so there's some hope of feeding her at 3am and me going to sleep for Sarah to wake up around 7am to feed Stella at that time.

Her official due date was this past Saturday and she's gotten a lot bigger since she was born. She's somwhere between 6 & 7 pounds now and she finally is gaining some baby fat. The width of her back used to fit right in the palm of my hand when I held her on my knee for burping but now she's taking up all of my palm and most of the length of my fingers. She's gained some body width!

Burping is still a challenge with her and sometimes she gets uncomfortable with gas. We've changed to a formula that isn't so milk based as for a time there Stella was just an uncomfortable, gassy mess. We tried some antigas, which seemed to help but it wasn't the magic potion we hoped for. That's when we decided to try the new formula. She's much less gassy, more alert and just plain happier now.

Her exit strategy for pooping is still sporadic but somewhat every other day so the concern over that is pretty much over.

World Class Talent!

2010-02-10T07:35:00.002-05:00

Every parent wants their child to be unique and have special talents that help define them as individuals. Tim would really love Stella to be a pianist and I, of course, want to instill a love of reading. We anxiously watch her every day . . . what will her first accomplishments be?

I'm happy (?) to report that Stella definitely has a future in baby-milk-spitting contests! In fact, she might be a world class talent. Yesterday she spit up her entire meal in only two spits. One went the length of her body and managed to soak the bib, her clothes and the changing table cover. How's that for excellent aim? Now we just have to find the contests and get her registered. She's sure to be in the money in no time :-)

Pictures!

2010-02-04T10:24:00.006-05:00

First Bath (she liked most of it).

Grandpa Douglas holding Stella for the first time.

Grandpa Kirk came to visit.

The View from Mom's arms.

Doctor Visit #2

2010-02-04T10:14:00.003-05:00

I made my first "new mom" call to the pediatrician's office yesterday. Stella hadn't had a bowel movement for over 48 hours and I was concerned -- was that normal? It's definitely different than what we saw in the hospital. The nurse asked me a couple of questions and then decided that they wanted to see her. They don't take any risks with such small babies.

It was all fine in the end, she is just an "infrequent pooper." How's that for a diagnosis?! The doc said they are fine with babies going 5-7 days without a bm, if the last one was soft and loose. I'm not sure where they are supposed to put 5 days worth of poop, but can't imagine what that diaper would look like! She still hasn't gone, so I may be able to report out on that in a few days :-)

The best news is that she weighed 5 lb 10 oz. A gain of 8 oz in less than a week! (How much of that do you suppose is the poop she's storing up?) She is definitely plumper and filling out more. She's been eating more, and can also be more cranky. That may be a side affect of filling up with poop. The doc suggested she would get crankier and crankier until she let it all out and then would be more mellow for a while. Oh the adventures of parenting! I'm sure I'll post more on baby poop than I ever thought I would.

Thanks Aunt Katie!

2010-02-04T10:00:00.004-05:00

Thanks to Aunt Katie, Tim and I got to go on our first Date Night post Stella. Katie was here last weekend and started to understand the Stella system and feel more comfortable. So on Saturday, she finished up a feeding by changing a diaper and doing the cuddling time while Tim and I put on nice clothes and went to dinner. It was a success! No phone calls were made (I did put the cell phone on the table at the restaurant, just in case) and Katie had some great bonding time with Stella. Apparently she was wide awake and being very cute during the cuddling.

We received a letter from a local restaurant (Erbelli's) congratulating us on the birth of our child and offering a free pizza, cheesy bread and pop. No strings attached, just come on in and let other people know if you had a good time -- what a cool way to promote the restaurant. We love Erbelli's and they have just redone their Portage restaurant and started serving alcohol, so off we went.

I told Tim that we had to have just one topic of conversation that didn't include Stella. He looked at me like I was crazy! What did we have to talk about that didn't somehow link to her? Getting pregnant, staying pregnant, preparing for her birth, and all the events that have followed have consumed almost all of our energy for the past year. Could we even talk about anything else? Luckily, there were TVs and I saw something about the upcoming winter Olympics, so we talked about that. It reminded me of when Tim and I were first dating and getting to know each other. I learned which events are my husband's favorite and why he likes the winter Olympics. I felt connected to him in a way that I haven't for a long time, so it was definitely a wonderful evening.

The First Doctor Visit

2010-01-29T21:14:00.010-05:00

Just after giving birth, the nurse asked us Tim if we had chosen a pediatrician. That decision seems to be a big one and fell, of course, into the category of "we have plenty of time for that." Luckily, in passing, I had asked our friends Cara and Matt how they chose their pediatrician. They were very happy with their choice -- a local practice where one of the doctors is a member of our church. I mentioned this briefly to Tim and he had the presence of mind after the birth to remember the conversation. I had to remember the name of the practice for him but we could at least answer one question that evening!

I think our choice is going to be a good one. Even though they weren't actively involved in Stella's care in the NICU, we met several of the doctors at the hospital when they were on rounds and we met another on Thursday when Stella went in for her very first check up. Dr. Lemmen pronounced Stella healthy and beautiful. She also said that we shouldn't take Stella out in public until she had passed the 2 month mark and to limit her visitors, especially not letting small children touch her. Stella's immune system still isn't completely developed so we have to be very careful. She weighed 5 lb 2 oz and was 18 1/4 inches long. So exciting that she's passed the 5 pound mark!

She'll go in next Thursday for another check up. If everything is OK then, we'll be on the regular well baby schedule (2 mo, 4 mo, 6 mo, etc). No special visits needed:-) Next week we'll see Dr. Gibson, our fellow Chapel Hill member and I'm excited to see how much she thinks Stella has changed since she saw her in the hospital.

Stella has had another good day of eating and Mom and Dad are learning when she is really hungry and when she is just fussing. We also have another hamper full of laundry as she is really good at spitting up. She's still a bit too small for the smallest of the cloth diapers, so we're using disposables until she grows enough. Hopefully that will be soon so we don't have to spend too much money on Pampers.

Home Sweet Home

2010-01-27T19:15:00.001-05:00

It's been a full day for Stella being home and I woke up at 3:30 this afternoon after being up all night until Sarah took over this morning at 7.
Sarah had a fantastic idea that is working wonders for Stella's burping.
Part of the development for a new baby is called tummy time. The baby is placed on the floor face down while someone is constantly watching it. That makes the baby want to raise it's head and try to push on with it's arms. The end result is muscle development that will come into play later when crawling starts to happen.
Anyway...Sarah did some tummy time with Stella today and found that burps come out quite nicely during tummy time so Sarah did that during her feedings today and Stella's eating volume skyrocketed. A normal good feeding is about 40ml. Today, Stella has had two 60ml feedings with a 30 ml "snack" in between.
She's waking herself up about every three hours so that's an excellent sign.
Our dog Beatrice met Stella today as she's was going crazy since yesterday, knowing that something was up.

Stella in livng room with mom.

Stella saying "no more pictures"

Bea watching Stella

STELLA IS HOME!

2010-01-26T19:32:00.003-05:00

After 20 days in the NICU, Stella is finally home! Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!!!!! She began eating more yesterday later in the afternoon and by the end of the 24 hr period had eaten 382 ml. 72 more than she had eaten the day before and the most she'd eaten in one 24 hour period to date. The evening before she weighed just 4 grams short of 5 pounds.

Stella tends to swallow a lot of air while eating and is very hard to burp. You can tell when she needs to burp. She squinches up her face, holds her breath and turns red. Then she will either do crunches or arch her back or both in sucession. Anything to try and get that air bubble out. When the burp does come, it isn't very lady like! The 3rd grade boys will be quite impressed with her prowess if she can still burp like that then. No matter how you burp her, on your shoulder, on her stomach, half sitting up, tummy rubs, back rubs, it just takes a long time to get the air out. Daddy had a great idea and brought some of the Dr. Brown's bottles in yesterday afternoon. We thought that the new bottles (thank you mom and Ivonne for so thoughtfully providing them) might help to reduce the air she swallows. It didn't make it go away, but definitely helped. Daddy gets kudos for a great idea!

At home, we have her in her crib in her half decorated room. I hope to finish it off sometime over the next few weeks. Tim is taking the night shift to help her get on a good schedule so we decided that our room should be baby free. Hopefully he won't need to stay on midnights for more than a few days. I am again very thankful that he isn't working full time and has a flexible schedule. It will make the transition to home go much more smoothly.

Will post picture when I get them off the camera!

19 Days and Counting . . .

2010-01-25T11:16:00.003-05:00

19 days in the hole. OK, the NICU is not exactly prison, but we're anxious to bring Stella home and be a family in our house. She, however, seems perfectly content where she is. She's hit all the milestones she needs to, except for one: She's a poky eater and doesn't like to wake up to eat.

Since removing her feeding tube, she's eaten less food than she should. She's still gaining weight, but not as robustly and, as the nurse says, "her intake is less than optimal." She starts out eating like a champ and then loses interest. She's still awake, but just wants to roll the nipple around in her mouth, not actually suck. It's frustrating for us because we know she knows what she needs to do, she's just not really interested!

Please keep praying for us as we wait this out. Just like everything else up to this point, Stella will do this on her own time. Parenting is full of challenges and I'm sure we'll look back on this one and laugh at the time when our only concern was that she wasn't eating. You can remind me of this when she is 16 and we're butting heads!

Goodby Isolet, hello home!

2010-01-23T11:15:00.001-05:00

Stella is continuing to do remarkably well. She's now out of the isolet and into a small, open "crib". She's now regulating her own body tempurature so that's why she's out of the isolet. She also managed to pull out her gastro feeding tube yesterday, not once but twice so the nurses took that as a sign that she was quite done with it, thank you very much. So no more gastro tube stuck to her face.
Wait, that's not all! She's been so stable all of her sticky probes have been removed from her as well so she's totally clear of any wires or tubes. That's my girl!!
What this all means is STELLA'S COMING HOME!!! (wait...my eyes are leaking a bit....)
Stella just has to eat all of her meals (by that I mean suck the bottle dry) and maintain her body temp for the next day or two and she'll be cleared to come on home.
We are ready for her at the house so come on baby, you can do it!

Stella in "Crib"

Isolet in Background

Proud mama knitting

Two Weeks Old and Growing

2010-01-21T09:14:00.001-05:00

Sarah put Stella's birth story below so if you haven't had a chance to read it, scroll on down or click to the left.

Stella is a very stable premie baby, as the doctors and nurses tell us. She's gone from full blown monitoring to just heart rate and respiration monitoring while she's in the isolet. That means Sarah and I can unplug her wires when we bring her out to hold. She still has her gastro tube in so we have to keep track of that along with the three sticky probe wires used for the above monitoring but we can actually walk around the room with her now.

As of last night, Wednesday, her weight was up to 7lbs10oz so she's above her birthwieght and climbing. Her isolet temp is down to 80.1 degrees and she's holding her own temp at 98.6 so the nurses will slowly continue to crank down the isolet temp to about 75. When she's stable at 75 they'll move her to a small little crib so she'll be maintaining her own temp at room tempurature. Once she's done that for two days she'll have passed that test.

Her food intake has leveled at 45ml per feeding, as much as her little stomache will hold. She's taking food from the bottle and gets just over half of it down before she tires out and we have to give the rest to her through the gastro tube. Once she sucks down all of her food on her own for a couple of days, she passes that test.

When those two remaining tests are mastered, she'll be ready to come home! She's showing improvements in both every day so it won't be long now until we have the little darling in our home.
We are just about ready for her as I am touching up the nursery room paint today and Sarah will paint some cool graphics on the walls.

One Week Old and Already a Move to New Digs

2010-01-14T08:38:00.001-05:00

Stella has graduated to the Step Down Nursery on the third floor. We moved there yesterday evening, a week after she was born. There was another baby that moved at the same time and there was some initial confusion from the nursing staff on room assignments. Stella had a window upstairs in the NICU so her nurse and I wanted a room with a window in the nursery. Her initial room assignment was an interior room without a window so after a bit of negotiating, Stella got another room with a view.

She's up to 45ml and holding her temp nicely. I got to kangaroo with her for a good three hours last night, listening to classical music again, and we both enjoyed that immensely.

Stella's Birth Story

2010-01-13T11:44:00.004-05:00

Warning: Childbirth details ahead! (I will try to keep it as PG as possible :-)

Tuesday, Jan. 5, 6-8 pm: Oh, the irony of it all. During what was supposed to be the first of three birthing classes, I became very uncomfortable and was in pain. I couldn't find a way to sit where I felt OK when the "cramping" was happening. All of this was occurred while we discussed the stages of labor and what labor pains feel like. I compared what I was feeling to what the instructor said and felt confident that I wasn't in labor. The joke was on me, of course!

Wednesday, Jan. 6, 8:45 am: I had the same cramping pains after class and all through the night, plus some spotting in the morning, so I called the doctor's office as soon as they opened. By that time I was already at work because we were doing some testing in the pilot plant and I was supposed to be learning a new process. The doctor wanted me to come in for a check, just to be on the safe side.

I saw the OB at noon, and she sent me to the Labor and Deliver triage because I was slightly dilated and they wanted to see if my "cramps" were contractions. Which, of course, they were. They got an IV going, gave me several shots and some oral meds and seemed to slow the contractions. Dr. Lomax (the most senior doctor in the practice) was on call and kept telling me that to be where I was I had to have been feeling these pains for a long time. I'm still not sure I believe him, but that doesn't change the outcome.

At 4 pm we had an ultrasound where Tim and I were ecstatic to find out we were having a girl. After 3 other ultrasounds where she refused to let us know her gender, we were making plans to share our good news with family and friends. They decided to keep me overnight, even though the contractions had slowed, just to be sure that they could monitor me closely.

By 6:30 pm, I was in a room and eating dinner. They assigned me to a high risk pregnancy nurse (not a Labor and Delivery nurse) and I was settling in for the night. Except that the contractions seemed to pick up in intensity. The monitor wasn't reading them correctly because they had me laying on my side, so I had Tim start to record them on paper. They were 2-3 minutes apart! (We knew from our first class that that meant something was up for sure.)

At 7 pm, Nurse Nancy (from the triage area) came in to check on me before she went home at the end of her shift. She noticed that I wasn't doing very well and had them change me to a labor and delivery nurse. She also decided to do an exam. I was 5 cm dilated. She called Dr. Lomax and gently let us know that it was very likely that I'd be delivering our little girl yet that evening. I made sure that she told Dr. Lomax that I wanted an epidural -- that seemed rather important as I got farther along! I also had a few minutes to freak out and be scared because we knew the baby wasn't very big yet, and then another contraction came and I had to focus. Nurse Joan took over for the evening shift and began to set up for the birth. She told Tim not to worry, we had plenty of time, but that she liked to get everything in place far in advance. Looking back, she was probably rushing to get everything together, but she was playing it cool for our sakes!

Around 7:30 pm (here is where things get a bit blurry to me as I wasn't paying much attention to the clock at this point!), Joan mentioned that the next thing I needed to tell her was when I felt like I needed to have a bowel movement. "Oh, I already felt that a couple of contractions ago", was my answer. Remember, we've only learned one way of breathing from the one class and I have no idea that I'm about ready to push! During the next contraction Nurse Joan insisted that I not push and taught me to breathe with little huffing breaths to resist pushing. When that was over I asked why I couldn't push when I wanted to so badly. She said "you are only 8 cm dilated" which made sense to me, not enough room to get baby out yet. And then she said "and your doctor isn't here yet." Well, who needs him, I thought? Let's get this show on the road!

Soon after that Dr. Lomax and the anesthesiologist showed up and soon the room was filled with people. Dr. Lomax was brought up to speed and in between contractions (still not letting me push) the anesthesiologist laid out my options for pain relief. Too little time for an epidural, but the spinal meant that if I had to have a C-section, I'd have to go all the way under. How was I supposed to make that sort of decision in the minute I had between contractions? Finally decided for the spinal as things were incredibly painful.

8:00 pm: My labor is complete and I'm fully dilated, so Dr. Lomax and Nurse Joan are letting me push. The only problem, I don't know to hold my breath with the push. So, they correct me and I get down to business. Dr. Lomax decides that there isn't even enough time for the spinal block and that we can push this baby out real quick. Tim can see the head of baby, and keeps telling me how cool it all is. There is no rest between the contractions, one starts as soon as the other ends. They've put me on oxygen and it's all I can do to release one breath, gulp another and push as hard as I possibly can. Dr. Lomax is cheering me on, and with one last push, Stella gushes out. It is 8:09 pm. There is a moment of complete silence, which I know isn't right. So, I ask if she is OK. Her umbilical cord was very short and ruptured as she was born. Dr. Lomax was a rock star and clamped it off really quickly so she didn't lose too much blood. Her hemoglobin levels were OK after birth so she didn't suffer because of it.

Someone asks Tim what her name is. He looks at me and says, "Stella?" We haven't really discussed the names on our list. We only knew she was going to be a girl 4 hours earlier! "Stella" I agree and there she is, our little Stella Suzanne.

I realize that the room is full of people, and there is a NICU team working on Stella. She is 4 lb 6.9 oz and 17.5 inches long. She scores an 8 on her Apgar after 1 minute and a 9 after 5 minutes. They bring her over to me all bundled up and with a silly little hat on. The nurse explains that they are taking her to the NICU and that she is breathing on her own and doing well. Tim goes with her to help her get settled. Meanwhile, Dr. Lomax is trying to stitch me up. The quick birth meant that my body didn't really get ready for her to pass through the birth canal and there is some damage to repair. The adrenaline rush has left me shaky and I can't keep my legs from trembling. They decide all would go better in the OR, and I will finally get that spinal block. All in all, the OR stitching takes as long as the birthing process and I am finally in recovery at 11pm.

Feeling returns to my legs and I get to go see Stella in the NICU by 1 am. While in recovery, Tim rejoins me and we make calls to family and friends, letting them know the exciting news. Their reactions range from incredulous to ecstatic. Stella Suzanne has arrived!

Three Steps Forward, half step back

2010-01-13T08:51:00.002-05:00

Stella is still progressing nicely. She was taken of the IV, no longer has the blue rubi light glowing on her and she's up to 40ml each feeding. Those are the three steps forward. The half step back was her body temp got down to 95.5 for a short while so the nurse brought in the heat lamp and shone it on her, added some warm blankets and turned up the temp in the isolet. Those actions got Stella's temp back up to 98.2 and stable so she's back to having the tempurature probe stuck on her for the time being. I was with her until 9 last night and her temp stayed stable but I didn't get the chance to hold her on my chest as I wanted her to stay in the isolet and keep a stable temp. The exact cause of the temp drop is unknown but best guess is with all of the three changes done to her, Stella needed some time to adjust so no big worries, just a half step back.

Sarah and Stella in the Isolet

Stella's Room

Stella with no IV poked into her leg.

Stella under the heat lamp.

Stella the Sophisticate

2010-01-12T13:18:00.001-05:00

Stella enjoyed the tunes coming from my iPod today while laying on my chest for a good three hours. I grabbed all of Sarah's classical CD's and made a playlist out of them so Stella was snoozing to Chopin, breathing to Beethoven and moving to Mozart.
Before doing so I asked the Ped doctor if it was ok to have Stella listen to music and he said yes, actually there's a person who goes around the NICU and plays music to the little tykes.
Since there are no headphones the size of Stella's head, and I wouldn't put headphones on her directly anyway, I put my headphones around my neck so she could hear the tunes through my chest as she lay there.

The Dr. upped Stella's food intake to 30ml, from 20, so another day of food increases which is right on track to her development. She's doing better on maintiaining her own temperature so that probe was taken off her little foot and the temp in her incubator was turned down.

I forgot to charge the batteries for my camera so I didn't get any photos yesterday.

Glowing Stella

2010-01-10T21:37:00.002-05:00

Stella has graduated to 20ml per feeding so she's progressing very well on that front.
One development that's gotten worse is she really looked closer to an oompalumpa today and her biliruben levels indicated it was time for her to be treated with the light. A few days of this light therapy and she'll be none worse for the wear.

Saturday was a busy day for Stella with family members coming in from all over to visit. Grandpa and Grandma Douglas, Grandma and Grandpa Cross along with Aunt Teri and Uncle Mike all came by to shower Stella with their love.

Stella Day Two

2010-01-08T15:52:00.004-05:00

Stella is doing spectacular! She's eating 6mm of milk each feeding already. She started with 4mm so going to six on day two is a great sign. Stella's exit pipes are working, both front and back, as we found out today at the 12 noon diaper changing. That's another good sign. The ambient temperature in her isolet is down a bit and she's maintining her body tempurature so that's another good sign.
I was able to have kangaroo time with her today and it was one of the best three hours I've spent in my life. My baby girl naked but a diaper laying on my bare chest with my button down flannel shirt wrapped around the little tyke to keep her warm. We were both in bliss. Sarah is being discharged today so we should be home later this evening.
Thank you all for your comments, keep 'em coming. I'm going to print them out and save them so Stella can read them later in life and see how many great people were rooting her on.
Daddy Kirk

Welcome Stella Suzanne Kirk to the World!!!

2010-01-07T13:29:00.002-05:00

Stella Suzanne Kirk was born yesterday, 1-6-2010, at 8:09 PM weighing in at 4 pounds 7 ounces.
She's doing fine, breathing on her own and even had some breast milk today.
Please post a comment and welcome Stella to our friends and family.

The Proud Parents and Stella

First Feeding today.

Mom changing first diaper

(notice size of mom's hand compared to Stella)

Holding Dad's finger

(notice size of dad's hand compared to Stella)

Stella saying "Hello World"

So Darn Funny!

2009-06-01T21:21:00.003-04:00

A couple of really, really funny things have made me laugh out loud recently. Check out the following blog, http://crummychurchsigns.blogspot.com/. Be sure not to miss March 26th, March 18th and February 4th. Tim came in from the other room just to see what was up as I was laughing so hard it made me wheeze!

On NPR last week they talked to the web master for the New York Times website. He was talking about the most searched topics on their site. Most were obvious, like Korea, Obama, etc. One had him and the host stumped, however. It was May 4, 2009. They invited listeners to email if they knew what it was. Turns out it is a self-declared holiday by Star Wars fans. They chose that day to celebrate their fandom so they could say to each other "May the 4th be with you." Go on, say it out loud. You know you wanna! I keep chuckling over that one . . .

Kelley's Island Weekend

2009-05-31T17:32:00.009-04:00

At long last, another post from me. We just got back from a fabulous trip to Kelley's Island (in Lake Erie, north of Marblehead, OH) http://www.kelleysisland.com/. Ohio friends and family will know about KI and Put in Bay on nearby South Bass Island. I have been to Put in Bay several times over the years, but never to KI. Tim was happy to learn that there are cool places to visit in lake Erie, the most maligned of the great lakes.

Our friends, Jen and John, and their daughter Anna, invited us to join them for a long weekend. We stayed in a great cottage, very near the airstrip. John and Jen flew to the island in their cool Bonanza plane and we drove and took the ferry -- a fun adventure in and of itself. We spent a lot of time biking, walking and otherwise roaming the island. It is quiet, laid back and full of very friendly people. Well, all except for the grumpy lady at the ice cream stand next to the mini-golf. How can you be grumpy if your job is to sell ice cream?

The cottage was decorated with cool artisan sculptures and art, and was super comfortable. It had a fire pit with lots of wood just begging to be burnt. I think it must be wired into human DNA to love to sit around a fire and stare into it for hours on end. Of course, it helps when there is great beer involved! Lots of Oberon and Great Lakes beers were consumed. The Commodore Perry IPA was particularly apropos as we flew over Put in Bay that same day and saw the Perry memorial http://www.nps.gov/pevi/.

Anna had her very first s'more around that same campfire and we all enjoyed throwing rocks into the "pond" (Lake Erie) with her on our last day. Other time was spent rambling over the island in the Polaris Ranger (check out pics here: http://picasaweb.google.com/sarahk7186). We did decide, however, that the neighbor's extended golf cart with the spinners and cow hide covered seats was really the ride we should have had! There are also some very cool glacial grooves set aside and maintained as a state park. To think that all the great lakes and a huge 5-6 state area were formed by massive glaciers that moved about 1 in per day is awesome and I get kinda geeky about reading the signs and learning about stuff like that.

Now back home, and dog free for one night. Tim will pick them up tomorrow from the vet's office. They were prepared to give Henry doggie valium (he doesn't like kennels at all) and we've never kenneled Bea, so there is no telling how that all went!

Oh, the Joys of Corporate Travel.

2009-03-08T17:11:00.004-04:00

I'm finally back home from my first long work trip of the year. It was nice to get to March without an overnight trip for work -- although this one made up for it. I had 6 flight segments and 3 different hotels in 5 days. (The upside is that I was upgraded to 1st Class whenever it was available, and I earned quite a few miles. Plus, there was sunshine, even if I was inside most of the time.)

The past week was actually more interesting than most of my trips. First we started in TX, at Texas A&M, interviewing undergrad and grad students in the Food Science department for internships. I am so impressed by the quality of the students and really enjoy being part of screening them for internships. I do have a vested interest as these folks will someday be my colleagues. In the next 5-10 years a lot of our most senior people will be retiring and there is a shortage of food science students to back fill those jobs. While it feels a bit strange to not be the young/new kid any more, and I'm glad that I can give back by interacting with the students in this way. Most of them don't really know what professional jobs using their education will look like, and are woefully short on knowledge about interviewing, resumes and cover letters. We were able to give coaching and feedback on this part as well.

Then it was off to CA for the Natural Products Expo West convention. This is a trade show for the natural products industry. All the big players and many of the smaller ones are there to showcase their new products and interact with the rest of the industry. My interest is looking at the trends and looking for new ingredients or raw materials. Plus, I love to visit the booths of some of my favorite brands and find out what's new with them. If you had room in your suitcase and the time, you could take home a lot of great samples. I didn't have much of either, so I concentrated on small things -- like lots and lots of tea samples. I'm so glad that the tea companies and the market is catching up with me. I have so many types of teas to choose from now, and that fills the gap that I used to fill with Diet Coke. I was really struck by one trend, a tea company that is marketing teas for kids. Herbal with lots of fruit and other flavors coming from the ingredients. Now parents can start their kids on drinks that are low in sugar, high in antioxidants and steer them away from soda or juice drinks. Very cool!

We also went to dinners and events sponsored by a couple of our suppliers. I even learned to play craps at one of them. Totally fun -- if we ever go to a casino (highly unlikely) I'll definitely want to play. Then it was time to get up very early and head home. Unfortunately, the flight back was complicated by the fact that I have yet another cold. It's uncomfortable to fly when your ears are full of fluid and all you want to do is go to sleep. That's all I've done today and I doubt I'll make it into work tomorrow. Sigh. I long for sunshine and warm weather. Bring on Spring Break!

It's been a good week :-)

2009-02-28T09:05:00.003-05:00

The sun is shining, it's above 20 F and I'm in a great mood. There is something about all the very subtle signs that spring will actually come again that are helping me shake the winter blahs.

And, there are several things that have reminded me to be thankful: My job is as safe as any job can be right now, Tim's lab results came back normal and the dogs are getting along better.

I've been a bit overwhelmed by all the bad news about the economy. This area of Michigan is quite hard hit and we know several close friends who are suffering from reduced or lost jobs. It just seems that everywhere we turn, someone is hurting or is having financial difficulties. At K, our stock price is way down and there are lots of business direction changes at work. Plus, with Tim student teaching, we rely very heavily on my paycheck. I've been worried about the security of my job -- I got a great review this year, but if they had to make lists for cuts, would they keep me? At the end of this week we had an R&D/Engineering yearly meeting where the CEO spoke to us. He didn't exactly say our functions were free from any threat of layoffs, but he came close to it. That's helped me feel a whole lot better.

We have been applying for term life insurance, and Tim's lab results came back with some high levels for liver function enzymes. Worrisome, of course, both for his health and for getting the insurance. The end result is that he went to his doctor to discuss and re-test, and the results were normal. Yeah! The insurance company approved his policy and we're waiting to see what the premium is going to be. Hopefully, if it is high, we can send them the results of the test with the doctor and get some reduction.

We've been working with a dog trainer to help us understand why Henry and Bea suddenly stopped getting along. Trust me when I say that it was bloody and very tense when it all erupted. It was touch and go for a bit about whether we could keep both, but things are looking up. We had a great lesson yesterday and while we have much more work to do, they are making great progress. It's not nearly as neat or easy as the Dog Whisper makes it seem!

I'll be traveling next week, and it is to warm and sunny places -- TX and CA. If I have to be away from home, those are great places to be. Maybe it'll be warmer here too by the time I get back. We've been dreaming about fun things to do this spring and summer . . . kayaking, camping, biking and mountain bike races (that's Tim's idea of fun) and other stuff. Only about 6 weeks more until we should be able to be outside consistently. I think I can make it!

Hiram Gals in Arizona

2009-02-21T14:26:00.005-05:00

I've been blessed to have a great group of college girlfriends who've kept in touch over the years. (Side note: in August it will have been 20 years since we all met as Freshmen! No way do I feel that old :-) We used to try to get together more often, but that's waned a bit with marriages and kids. On a bit of a whim, we managed to get together in Scottsdale for a 3 day weekend with most of the group. It was awesome to reconnect and relax with a whole weekend of basically doing nothing. We did some shopping (shoes were bought!) and some sight seeing (day trip to Sedona with awesome views) and saw a chic flick.

It's hard to say why this group of women is so amazing and why we have all stayed friends for so long. Most of us didn't have many classes together and we didn't even all live in the same dorms, though a few of us did. Somehow, though, we clicked. We all have very different careers and live far apart in different states. Each of us is pretty strong and opinionated, but is still able to support and listen to each other. I think the secret is each is a strong, successful woman who understands that without our families and friends, we'd would never have made it this far! I'm proud to be friends with Mary, Janice, Dawn, Kelly, Kate and Jen (who wasn't able to be there with us this time). And, I know it won't be so long in between get togethers next time.

Finally!

2009-02-21T14:07:00.004-05:00

I know, I know, I've been such a bad blogger. I really intended to keep up with the blog, and the further behind I got, the worse it was to get started again. So, with little mention of all the things that have happened since September, I'm back to posting.

In no particular order or importance, here are some of the things I've left out of the blog: Brother Josh got married to the lovely Allison and we all had a great time at the wedding. Except for Tim who had to turn around in Ohio and go back to deal with sick dogs. We now call Bea "Giardia Mary" because she gave it to Henry and all the cats. I was pregnant again, and miscarried, again. That pretty much sucked. I traveled a lot for work and made Gold status on NWA. A dubious distinction, I think. I made consumer test samples on a new product that is very cool and also a bit strange. You'll hear more about that at a later date. I launched a new cereal for Kashi "Organic Promise Island Vanilla." In stores now, so look for it (organic shredded wheat). It is yummy and I eat it for breakfast about 3 days a week. We had the whole family here for Christmas again. This year it was more work and the dogs had a hard time with all the people in the house and were acting out a lot. Tim and I went to Chicago between Christmas and New Years for a much needed break. We stayed at the Palmer House Hilton. It's a really fabulous hotel and we had a wonderful relaxing time. Since the first of the year work has been complicated by the peanut recall. It's even delayed the cool new product that I made the samples of earlier. No peanuts in that one, but the production facility was using the recalled ingredients and they had to shut down to clean. We missed our window to get sales samples to the sales force, so we're not going to be in market with this one until Jan 2010. Tim quit his job in December to student teach at Portage Northern High School in the business department. His mentor, Amy, is now out on maternity leave so he is the long term sub for the classes. He's learning the way he likes best -- by jumping in feet first. He loves teaching and is more energized by connecting and impacting students than by anything else I've seen him do. I'm taking a cool class at the Lilah Arboretum in BC on perennial propagation. One day I'd love to be a master gardener, but for now I'm concentrating on learning more about plants and digging up parts of the yard! Hopefully I'll post pictures of that process. Work travel is ramping up again in March, and we've planned to go to FL to see Tim's step dad over spring break. At least planning all of this will keep my mind of the crazy amount of snow we've gotten this winter.

So, please keep checking back for more posts about what's going on in our lives!

Bite Me -- or Sharp Teeth by Toby Barlow

2008-09-26T15:41:00.002-04:00

I admit to a weakness for vampire and, more recently, werewolf fiction. I especially love the Southern Vampire Series by Charlaine Harris (first book: Dead Until Dark) and the Betsy books by Mary Janice Davidson (first book: Undead and Unwed).

A new title caught my eye at the library last week. Sharp Teeth, by Toby Barlow. I loved the cover, red with a black snarling dog silhouette. Nick Hornby had a quote on the back -- love his books, so was likely to like this one. Until I started reading it, I didn't realize it was written in Free Verse. Yikes! this took me back to High School and all those ancient Greek stories and plays. I was stuck on the plane with no other book in sight, so I dove in. It was amazing.

The free verse gave it a cadence that matched the momentum of the story. It's lyrical and the form allows Barlow to use his words to almost paint pictures. I often 'see' a book when I'm reading it. This one felt like a full blown movie -- with a sound track. It's essentially well written suspense/crime novel that focuses on men (and a few women) who can change into werewolves at will. When in wolf form they can pass as dogs. They recruit other people who are "strong and lost" to join their packs. For fun, they blow off steam out in the desert in wolf form, munching on steak they bring in coolers.

Anthony is a down on his luck LA native who ends up with a job as a dog catcher. He falls in love with a female werewolf who's left her pack and determined to keep the other wolves from outing her. The packs in LA range from one run by a lawyer to one run by thugs and a third by surfers. The dogs and men play cards, break up meth labs, run scams and take over the dog pound. One is adopted in dog form and uses his new home as a safe-house to hide from the other dogs. A dedicated cop gets drawn in and has a hard time believing what he's seeing, even after it's clear what these people actually are. No matter how I try to describe it, I can't do this justice.

There is a great New York Times Book Review by Sam Anderson here: http://nymag.com/arts/books/reviews/43564/. Let me know if you read the book and what you think!

Rain rain go away

2008-09-18T14:00:00.003-04:00

We had 11 inches of rain in the Kalamazoo area over the weekend. Remnants of two hurricanes came north and dumped on us.

The Kalamazoo River is at it's highest flood stage in 20 years and parts of downtown Kalamazoo are blocked off due to water over the road.

The above picture is looking out my employers front lobby at where there are normally cars parked in the parking lot. We are about 1/2 mile away from the river but still at flooding water level. My office is at the northern end of this complex and away from all of this mess so luckily I'm high and dry.

Bea Joins the Family

2008-09-13T19:55:00.004-04:00

Henry has a new friend, and regardless of what he may think, she's joined the family. We officially adopted Bea (short for Beatrice) today from the SPCA. Henry came from the SPCA with the name Prince Henry, so we thought it was only fitting to add Princess Beatrice to the family. (Of course, we don't use the Prince or Princess.) Bea's name at the foster was Beanie . . . and since she's not a football player for Ohio State, and we don't want to be taken for OSU fans, Bea she is. She is also a Pit-mix and between 6-7 months old. We've had her for the last 2 weeks on a trial basis and she's been a fun addition, adding all kinds of shenanigans to the mix. Right now, we're working on breaking her of litter-box snacking (ugh!) and of cat wrangling. She hasn't actually really seen a cat, but she's poked her nose under all the beds trying to see what they are. They protest violently, and sooner or later she'll get a swipe on the nose. That may not stop her, though!

In other news, glamping was great fun (see previous post) and both more and less rustic than I thought it might be. We were in a lovely spot north of Santa Barbara, CA in a canyon between some very rugged hills full of chaparral and poison oak. I managed to see both a bobcat (racing away from us as fast as it could go) and the fattest skunk I've ever seen. We were also bedeviled by very tame raccoons who wanted our s'mores fixings. We also got a lot of work done and finished 30+ new product concepts that will go for testing in a few weeks. Sometime after the beginning of next year our team will get to see some of the ideas we'll be working on for 2010 and 2011. We do work that far in advance! What I didn't have, however, was reliable Internet access. Very frustrating, because now I have to spend time this weekend catching up on my email and other work stuff.

Next week I'm off to CA again. Lucky me! (Can't quite figure out how to convey sarcasm in a blog post. . . anyone have an idea to share?) It's a bit late in the game, but suddenly we need to find a different co-manufacturer for the new product that I'm working on for 2009. I'll be gone the majority of the week, so Tim has full dog duty again, bless that man!

Labor Day and other goins' on

2008-09-07T18:35:00.003-04:00

Check out Mom, me and Katie kayaking during Labor Day weekend. Mom had never been kayaking before and did great . . . I'm sure we can convince her to go with us again. Katie's been out on a kayak a couple of times and looked like a pro. We saw some awesome turtles, including a pretty big snapper and some blue herons, but not much else on this trip.

Both Katie and Mom visited over the holiday weekend and we had such fun. Katie came out first and we went camping at Yankee Springs State Park on Thursday. We took Jake (her dog) to see if he was up for camping. It was busy at the park and there were lots of people and other dogs, but Jake did great. He didn't like the rain at 4 am on Friday, but settled down after a while. Yankee Springs is on a Gun Lake, a beautiful and pretty big lake so we wandered along the shore line with Jake and hiked in the wood for a couple of hours. We all had fun and it started the weekend off right.

Mom joined us Friday evening and the famous kayak trip on the Kalamazoo river was Saturday. We made sure to get some good ice cream at the end of the trip too! Mom went to church with us on Sunday and Katie got on the road for home later that afternoon. She hung out for a while because we were waiting for a special delivery. Yes, we are trying a second dog again. She's a cute 6 month old pit-mix and we're pretty sure this one is going to fit our family. We are having fun so far and can deal with any of the challenges she brings. It's always an adjustment when someone new joins the family, so we expected to have to make some changes. I'll let you know more when we decide to officially welcome her.

Now I'm off on another fairly heavy travel schedule over the next few months. Of course, some of the travel will be fun, like Joshy's wedding (only 5 more weekends!). I'm off to Santa Barbara, CA all next week for work. My flight tomorrow is at 6:50 am -- way too early and I get back Friday evening. We're staying at a cool resort -- where they specialize in Glamour Camping, or Glamping as my co-workers are calling it. We'll do creative ideation for new ideas for Kashi for 2011 and beyond. If you have any good ideas, be sure to let me know!

Vacation! Vacation!

2008-08-26T20:11:00.004-04:00

Our vacation week started with 2 days of VBS. We do an evening VBS for families, with classes for everyone from babies to adults. The evening starts with a dinner and fellowship before moving to the opening ceremony and classes. Tim and I made the dinner for the first 2 nights and then another woman and her daughter made them for the last 2 nights. Everyone loves it when Tim cooks and he did a great job this year. It's a tough job to estimate the food and cook for 100+ people, while keeping costs down. We fed everyone for about $2.00 per person, per meal -- and there was food left over that went to Ministry with Community (local group that cooks for the homeless).

Right after we were done we went home and started getting ready for our camping/kayaking/mountain biking trip. We were only gone for 4 days, but it was fabulous to get away. We kayaked the Au Sable river on the east side of the state. It took us 6 hours to get there (MI is a BIG state). We camped at an awesome rustic campground the first night -- we were the only people there. The stars were amazing and it was so relaxing to sit around the fire pit with no other lights.

Our kayak trip was about 5 hours long on the river and we paddled approximately 15-17 miles. A portion of the trip went through national forest land and it was completely undeveloped. We saw a mink (looks kinda like a ferret -- only wild), 2 bald eagles (one that was immature and didn't have it's white head yet) and lots of blue herons and fish galore. We wished we'd worn our bathing suits because the water was clear and the bottom rocky. It would have been great for swimming. After that we camped at a State Forest campground that had nice hot showers and clean bathrooms. It was great to get clean, but I like the atmosphere at the rustic sites better.

The next day we mountain biked trails that were challenging work out for Tim and a challenge for my bike handling skills. I still can't quite get the hang of running into sand -- I tend to lose control and have to stop. I had a great time and felt amazing at the end of the 10 mile bike ride. I may have found an activity that gives me the runner's high I so dearly miss without messing up my knee. We ended that day by finding another rustic site on the map that was on the way home. This one was on a dammed up portion of the Muskegon River. Tim fished while I got the fire going and we had another beautiful night under the stars.

Sigh . . . . . . . . . it was lovely and so much fun, but way too short!

Finally, a few updates from Sarah & Tim!

2008-08-26T19:53:00.004-04:00

Apparently we've been having so much fun, I didn't have time to post our adventures. So what have we been doing?

Well, I've been traveling for work. In August I traveled for two solid weeks back to back -- with a stop at home in between. First I went to Ohio and did a test at a bakery. Wow, it is hot next to those ovens! Then I went to NJ and did a test at a 3rd party blender. They will make a raw material for my new cereal for us. Then I went to Lancaster, PA where Kellogg has a cereal plant and worked on a new Organic shredded wheat project for Kashi. If you live near me or come to visit, I'll try to have a box for you to try -- but the rest of you might have to wait a bit before I can let you in on the secret! The sales samples (samples of the food the sales force takes out to it's customers to pitch the new product) are typically made 4 months before the launch. This new cereal will be shipped to stores in January 2009. It's surprising to most people that new products are complete so far in advance of getting them to the consumer.

This new cereal has been the craziest project I've ever been on. The biz decided in June they needed the new product and we've developed it and gotten it to launchable state in about 10 weeks. This is amazing because we should have started this project in January -- 6 months earlier! I had such great support from other team members and from our suppliers, but it was (and continues to be) crazy. More stuff to do, of course, but we managed to get it done and to meet (most) of the cost hurdles.

The only real fly in the ointment was that coming back from the NJ trip, I had some really scary side affects from the D&C. I was so sick by the time I got back to the Detroit airport, I couldn't drive myself home. I ended up getting a car service to drive me the 2 hours back to Portage. Thank goodness this was a work trip -- the ride cost $370!

Tim finished his second summer session class in mid August. Yeah! The summer sessions were hard, as anyone who's taken them knows. They are intense and condensed with very little down time. These past 2 weeks with no classes have been wonderful because he has time for some fun stuff and projects around the house. School starts again right after Labor Day, so the break didn't last long.

Henry is microchiped X2

2008-08-04T15:43:00.003-04:00

Henry has been with us almost a year! I took him to our awesome vets last week for his shots and check-up. While there, we had him microchipped. Only problem, he was already chipped! When they scanned to check the chip placement, they found a second chip. The new one is on the right side and the old one is on the left, or vice versa. None of the adoption info talked about a chip, nor was there any transfer info for us to use to change his chip registration. All we can figure is that the first adopter chipped him and didn't tell the SPCA when she returned him. Why they didn't check, I'll never know. They have to have a chip reader for their dogs . . . All their dogs are now chipped when adopted, but that is new for this year. The vet's office will make sure that both numbers are registered under our name for Henry -- if he's ever lost they will only scan until they hit the first number and we need both of them to link to us. The vet said she'd never encountered this and was a bit embarrassed that they didn't think to scan him before chipping. I'm sure they'll do that for all the dogs they do now, no matter what!

We've been talking with the SPCA about another dog and have even visited to talk to foster parents of other dogs. Some time later in August we'll foster another for a week to see if she gets along better with Henry and doesn't cause such a mess in the house. This one is crate trained, very low key and seems to be very nice.

I'm excited about getting a second dog, but glad we're giving ourselves time to recover from the last fiasco!

Broke Scooter

2008-07-31T17:05:00.002-04:00

Well I was getting ready to post I now have 1600 miles on the scooter now and have save 1/3 of the cost of the scooter in gas so by the time the snow blows I'll have two thirds of the thing paid off.

That was before I was coasting to a stop the other day and some unhealthy clattering/clunking was going on down by the engine. The engine died and wouldn't start. Luckily I was right at the corner near my office so I had to run it accross the street and then walk it to my office.

Also lucky there's a back room where I can work on it.

I've contacted the place I purchased it from and they said it's still under warranty but labor isn't included in the warranty. I was on my own to get work done to it. Now if it was a Honda or other namebrand scooter, no problem. But since it's a Chinese import, local mechanics are hard to come by. I've posted to some discussion boards (http://www.scootdawg.com/) and figured out how to tear the rear drive and motor assembly off the scooter so now I just have to find a local mechanic that knows how to tear apart an engine. General guesses are broken piston and/or rings so that's beyond my comfort level of tear apart and putting back together.

IVF/Pregnancy Update

2008-07-26T18:16:00.003-04:00

To recap: the fetus had stopped growing at the 8 week mark and we were waiting for me to naturally miscarry. That didn't seem like it was going to happen, so my doctor decided I needed a D&C. I'm lucky that they do this procedure in their Grand Rapids office, so it was much less trauma than if I had to be admitted to the hospital.

I had the D&C on Friday and it all went well. I had the same kind of anesthesia as I did for the egg retrieval, so my recovery wasn't too bad. No nausea or anything like that. I also had to have a Rogam shot as Tim is RH + and I'm RH -. I don't remember much about the procedure (thank God!) but we had requested an ultrasound before hand, just to be certain that the fetus hadn't changed any.

So, we have a couple of weeks for recovery and then we'll talk with Dr. Young to understand the procedure for a frozen embryo transfer. We have 10 lovely frozen embryos to take us through the next steps. I'm actually looking forward to spending the rest of the summer having some fun and enjoying focusing on things not related to getting pregnant or staying pregnant. Time for Tim and me to relax, reconnect and have an adventure or two. It'll be fall before we know it!

One Dog Family -- for now

2008-07-26T18:08:00.003-04:00

Sadly, Jack (AKA Trapper) went back to live with his foster family. His destructiveness just got to be too much for us. He was definitely unhappy here, and showed it by acting out. In his foster family, there are 11 dogs and he is much happier, not showing any of the behaviors that he did here. If you watch the Dog Whisper, you know the power of the pack! I think, also, that some people have a much higher tolerance for doggy misbehavior and may even encourage some things. When the foster family came to pick him up, he at first barked at them and was very suspicious. When he finally recognized them he ran and jumped up on his foster mom and peed on the floor in excitement. She didn't seem to notice and encouraged him to jump up on her. (These were all things we had tried to curb, although not the worst of his misbehavior).

We've talked to the SPCA folks and they are fine with the situation . . . they want us to have the right dog for the family. They'll help us pick out a dog that might fit our situation better, and we'll take them home for a trial run. Basically we'll foster for a week or two and if the dog fits in, then we'll adopt. We still think it will be better in the long run with 2 dogs and hopefully easier on the dogs when we have kids.

Were we crazy?

2008-07-18T17:05:00.005-04:00

This week with the new dog -- now officially named Jack -- has been rough. Tim's nickname for him "Lil' Shitter" says it all. I had to go to Target and spend $180 on a carpet cleaner and pet mess cleaning solution to get the lower level cleaned up. Since then, however, things have started to improve. No more accidents and he's starting to feel more comfortable.

Our timing was terrible . . . why we thought it would be a good idea to adopt a new dog when Tim would be gone Tue. - Sat. for a work is is not very clear. I guess we wanted the adventure and weren't willing to wait 2 more weeks until Tim would be here on a Saturday again. We were definitely on a high and very excited about getting a second dog.

Jack is definitely a sweet dog, a bit shy, but full of energy and a good playmate for Henry. I had forgotten, though, how much we worked with Henry in the beginning. H is so mellow and friendly now that even though he is a big dog and can look intimidating people love him. All the training and bonding and the CGC work was really worth it. We'll do the same with Jack and I'm sure that a few months from now, we'll have a harmonious household again! (After we buy more speaker wire to replace the chewed bits and Jack proof the house so there is nothing he can get a hold of and chew to pieces.) I'm looking forward to when he feels like he's at home and will chew on toys and bones, not stuff he can get and destroy.

The dogs play off of each other, of course, and are more barky and rambunctious than H is alone. I think that will lessen as Jack is here longer and Henry is less protective of his space and the newcomer. There is a new puppy at our side neighbor (we share a fence) and 2 dogs behind us, so there is a lot going on when they are out in the yard. Rick next door warned us that with 2 dogs, it will feel like the poop in the yard multiplies by 10X and he is so right! We'll have to be vigilant so that the yard isn't a minefield.

I'm finding myself amused by how different the two dogs are in personality and temperament. I (silly me) didn't expect them to be so different. Jack will be fun as he is very light on his feet and can jump like a rabbit. I think he'll be very good at agility type work. I'm thinking of buying a hula hoop, because I bet we can train him to leap through it. He is gentle and follows me around the house. Where H is a leaner, and shows his loooove by leaning on you, I think Jack could be a snuggler, but right now he's too shy.

Nephew Jeremy is here for the next week or so because he has Air Nat'l Guard duty, so he's been a big help in getting Jack on a schedule and acclimated. H loves him and gets very excited when he's here. Jack is warming up to him and Jer is gentle with him. I couldn't have done this without him!

New Doggy!

2008-07-13T17:48:00.003-04:00

News: Some good, some sad

2008-07-13T17:22:00.002-04:00

I'll start with the sad news. The visit to the doctor didn't go very well. The embryo is not growing the way it should, so we've stopped the injections and medications. Dr. Young thinks that I should naturally miscarry in the next two weeks. Tim and I are sad and disappointed, and have the attitude that if the pregnancy isn't healthy, then maybe it is for the best. It will be several months before this is resolved and we can try again with our frozen embryos. I'm worried about what the next few weeks will bring -- if I don't miscarry, we'll have to do a D&C -- a much more invasive procedure. Thank you to everyone who's been praying for us, we'll continue to need your prayers as we go through the next several months.

Now, the good news. We have a new family member! For about 6 weeks, we've been discussing getting a second dog. The idea is to get one that Henry likes and that will play with him and become a companion. Henry is so bonded to us that he doesn't know how to play by himself. When we do have a baby, we'll have less time for the dog(s). It'll be good for them to have each other. Plus we need time to do training with a new dog and get him acclimated to the family.

We haven't decided on his name yet -- Tim is leaning toward Lance (short for Lancelot) and I'd like Jack. (I have the idea that Tim will get to prevail on this one. . . but we'll wait and see.) We adopted him from the SPCA (the same place we got Henry). He's a mix again -- about 50 lbs, black and white with a curly tail. Smaller than H, but they were playing together very well in the back yard today. So far, the cats have all gone to ground. I think they are mad at us. Oh well, they'll have to get used to the new doggy.

What's wrong with this picture?

2008-07-09T21:06:00.004-04:00

Henry was helping Tim mow the grass and ended up with green feet. He must be a Michigan State fan.

Fourth of July Family Fun!

2008-07-09T20:49:00.002-04:00

The extended Kirk and Quick families spent the 4th of July holiday at the beach in Saugatuck, MI. We had a blast! We biked -- here we are on the beach waiting for the sun set. We took the chain ferry across the river (hand cranked boat that uses a chain stretched across the river to move from one side to the other) and biked up and over the hilly road to the beach. Beach sunsets are so relaxing. We walked, everywhere, through the town and around. We kayaked on the Kalamazoo river and across lakes that are connected to the channel that goes out to Lake Michigan. We didn't brave the whole channel to go to the lake -- thank goodness -- later we took a paddle wheel boat ride and realized it was a long way out to the lake.

Saugatuck has been called the Key West of Michigan. It's a really hip and cool town that is filled with art galleries, gorgeous B&Bs, it has easy access to the beach and so many amazing boats. There is a yacht club there, so the best time is to walk the board walk from one end of River Street to another just to look at all the cool boats. Tim was just drooling, and dreaming of what we could have one day.

We stayed at a motel right on River Street that is also a Boatel. The boats pull up on the river side of the motel and dock for the night. For their fee they get a mooring, access to facilities and contential breakfast. The boaters and families sure looked like they were having fun. We enjoyed the gardens and tables and chairs that were river side. Much time was spent just watching boats go by. The town was very crowded on the 4th (everyone coming in for great fireworks) and the 5th (for a artisian craft fair), so it was nice to have a quiet spot to hang out.

While there we celebrated Teri's (Tim's sister) and Steffanie's (niece) birthdays. No cake, but presents and plenty of ice cream for all. Teri and her husband Mike also celebrated their 23rd anniversary on the 6th.

We came back very relaxed and refreshed. Exactly what you want from a few vacation days. Now Tim has a big week studying for the business/technology teacher certification exam and staying on top of his summer session 2 class.

No fetal pole, yet

2008-06-28T19:22:00.003-04:00

At my doctor's office on Thursday, I had my first post positive beta ultrasound. Tim wasn't able to be with me because of his trip. He'll be there next time, though! We saw the implanted embryo. Dr. Young thought he should be able to see the fetal pole (central nervous system -- I think) but wasn't able to find it. We also saw the other embryo, it had implanted, but not grown very much. That one will most likely just be reabsorbed back into the uterine lining. Dr. Young was pretty calm about no fetal pole, just said that all pregnancies were different, and we'd be able to know for sure in 2 weeks. In 2 weeks, if we see the fetal pole and the embryo has grown the way it should, then we're back on track. If it hasn't, then the pregnancy won't be viable.

Of course, I'm worried. But -- our take on this is we don't really have any control over whether it will turn out to be viable or not. It helped that I talked to a friend who had twins via IVF and at her first ultrasound, one fetal pole was visible and the other was not. The second one showed up 2 weeks later and now he's a rambunctious 4 year old. Plus, if the fetus isn't developing like it should, it's better to know now.

So please just keep thinking about us and praying for us. I'll let you know the outcome of ultrasound #2 in 2 weeks!

Where in the world are Tim and Sarah?

2008-06-27T13:32:00.003-04:00

Really, the title should be, Where in the United States are Tim and Sarah? Sorry for not posting in so long, but we've both been gone, and not at the same time.

I traveled for work earlier this week and managed to be in 3 states in 3 days. We went to Ohio and North Carolina and back to Michigan to look at potential places to manufacture a new product I'm working on. I hadn't traveled in a while, so it wore me out. Not to mention that I had to do my own shot each day. The travel times didn't always fit well with the shot times. One night I even gave it in the bathroom of a nice restaurant. I only got a few stares from other patrons! I got back late Wednesday night, just in time to high-five Tim as he was on his way out the door early Thursday morning.

I had a note from the doctor's office to carry the needles and syringes on in my carry on. I thought it might be difficult to get 1.5 in long needles through security, but they never even called it out for checking. I checked the TSA website and it doesn't mention needles on their lists. The airline had said to make sure the Rx info was on the medicine and needles and that they were sure I'd have to explain it. I don't know whether to think the screeners missed them, or if they are considered OK.

Tim is now gone -- off to Fort Meyers, FL for a trade show. He won't be back until Saturday night. (So I'm continuing to give my own shot -- sound a bit obsessed here, don't I?). The nice thing is that he'll be able to catch up with his Stepdad, Stan and Stan's wife Karen. They are great folks who live on a river East of Fort Meyers, on the way to Lake Okeechobee.

So Henry and I will have a nice weekend to ourselves. Let's see what kind of trouble we can get into without Tim around!

I can do this . . .

2008-06-14T19:28:00.003-04:00

I did it! I gave myself the PIO shot tonight. 1.5 in needle right into the outer, upper quadrant of the buttocks. I tried last night with Tim standing by and totally freaked out. He had to do it in the end because I was almost hyperventilating. Of course, when we are in the same place, I will have him do it. Now, though, I have the confidence that I can do this and traveling won't be quite so worrisome. This means that the shots won't start to rule my life. Whew! big sigh of relief. I now feel the need to take a nap.

YES!

2008-06-13T20:53:00.003-04:00

We are (barely 2 weeks) pregnant! My Beta HCG tests on Wednesday and today showed the right and increasing levels of the hormone. The nurses did not say, but my research seems to point out that the level and the fact it doubled for the second test (as it was supposed to) points to one baby.

I'm to continue the shots and estrace until my OB appointment with Dr. Young on 6/26. If all is as it should be, sometime after that they will release me to my regular OB/GYN. I hear tell that the shots could continue for a while -- 6-8 weeks total is not uncommon. The injected progesterone, however, is a good thing for supporting the pregnancy. The issue I face, and will have to figure out as soon as tomorrow, is how to give the shot to myself. All the sub-cue shots were fine. In fact, they became no big deal. This is a 1.5 in needle that has to go in at a 90 degree angle. I tried tonight, but just couldn't watch it going in. I close my eyes when I swing a bat -- how can I actually look at a needle going into my flesh?

Tim is gone tomorrow and won't be back in time for the shot. I could get someone else to help me, but in another week I will travel for work 3 days. As soon as I come back, Tim leaves and is gone for 4 days. I'll have to do the shot for 7 days straight . . . No one said being a mom was going to be easy!

An IVF pregnancy, outside of the progesterone shots, is not any different than an early pregnancy gained in the more conventional way. So, we are announcing it on the blog, but not making any big announcement until we get through the first trimester danger zone.

The other issue right now is that I actually look 4 months pregnant. I've got abdominal fluid build up due to hyper stimulated ovaries. It's totally unfair that I've lost my waist already! We're monitoring it -- it should slowly subside on it's own. Which I really do hope is the case. If it doesn't, they have to aspirate the fluid build up out of the abdomen.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, we've made it this far, and have much more road to travel.

We Doo-Dahed all day long

2008-06-13T12:35:00.004-04:00

Last weekend we went to the Doo-Dah parade! I love a parade (don't you?) and this one is especially fun. No reason for it, other than to be silly and do a bit of parody. Basically, community groups sign up and have a silly theme. Like the Kalamazoo Pug Meet Up group -- their pugs were members of Pug Scout Troop 101. Their motto "Pugs, not drugs." All the pugs had cub scout like bandannas on as they walked in the parade. There must have been 30 pugs -- what a sight! Every animal rescue group in Kazoo was in the parade too. Turns out there are at least 4. So sad that there are so many unwanted cats and dogs. The picture is of the "Tribal Revival Samba Band" as they marched past. No idea who they were, but everyone was dancing as they went by.

Later we hit the juried art fair and some other artisans and got good birthday and Christmas gifts. Tim did great through the parade and the first part of the art fair. But, I really think art fairs rank up there with torture for him! Poor guy. He had a shorter shelf-life than the 4 year olds we were with. Or maybe it was because of the 4 year olds?

Tuesday, Henry had a great adventure. At least he thought so. Tim was mowing the yard and I was in the house resting after my shot when the phone rang. I let it go to the answering machine and checked it about 10 minutes later. It was a friend saying he thought Henry was over at his house -- trying to visit with his dog, Pilot. Henry had just been over to Pilot's house the night before and they played together for almost 2 hours. He jumped the fence in our back yard, avoided Tim in the front and then found his way to Pilot's house -- this is at least a 10 minute walk from our house. He must know the way as we walk a loop that takes us past there a couple times a week, but what a shocker! It was a good thing they were home and Pilot was in the yard, or where would he have gone next?

Still waiting on test results today. Will post when I have an answer!

Hail--eluliah!

2008-06-06T21:27:00.003-04:00

BIG band of Spring/Summer T-storms drove in from Lake Michigan this afternoon. Look at the size of the hail we got! 3, count'em, 3 Tornado Warnings. No confirmed touch downs, though.

Twins!

2008-06-04T15:07:00.003-04:00

Here are the twins...embryos anyway.
50% chance one of them grows into a bambino, 25% chance they both do.
I tried to offer the Doc some Elmers Glue while he was putting the "kids" back in Sarah but he didn't go for it. Now we'll just have to rely on them liking where they are and wanting to stick around and grow. (Sarah won't drink any glue either, even mixed with milk.) Actually, I'm giving Sarah a progesterone shot every night in the keister so that's supposed to help the embryos stick around.

Embryo Transfer

2008-06-01T17:51:00.003-04:00

We transferred 2 excellent embryos and have a picture of them, in all their 4 cell glory! We went with 2 on the advice of the doctor. Since my problem is not ovulating, the thought is more than two embryos really ups the chances of multiples. Of course, it would also up the chances of getting pregnant, but not by much. If none implant, I'll wish we had put back more, but that's something to think about a few weeks from now. Two days of bed rest and limited activity and then back to normal. Or as normal with the addition of every other minute thinking "am I pregnant, or not?"

I thought I'd be going stir crazy toward the end of my two days of no activity. The first day of bed rest on Saturday was no problem, I just kept sleeping. Somehow when I lie down, my body thinks it's supposed to sleep. Probably good anyway. I'm still sleepy today and have slept in between reading Barbara Kingsolver's newest book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. I've read all her books, except this one and it's been waiting on my shelf for some down time. The book is about the year her family spent growing most of their own food and eating locally. Very cool, and something that we've talked about in vague terms. I'm feeling very unworthy, though, as Tim goes to the grocery to get a roasted chicken for dinner, but I'm sure that will pass!

I'm also reading another book -- this one for a book study/small group at church. It's Irresistible Revolution- living as an ordinary radical, by Shane Claiborne. Very difficult to summarize as I'm only in the middle of chapter 5. I'll write more about it as we go and about the group of people that are reading and talking about it together.

On one final note, the radishes are up in the garden! Haven't seen it since Wednesday, so hope all is OK. I'll be able to water it tomorrow.

Egg Retrieval

2008-05-30T11:43:00.003-04:00

I'm still feeling a bit loopy (apparently pain meds/anesthesia and I don't get along) but the egg retrieval was a success! The Doctor collected 16 eggs, 2 were immature, one had a broken shell (yes, that's exactly how the nurse described it) so we had 13 to start. 12 were successfully fertilized through ICSI (inter cytoplasmic sperm injection) and we now have 12 embryos growing.

I was very much out of it for the procedure, so I didn't get to watch on the ultrasound. Bummer. Tim says it looked like the needle piercing a dark, fluid filled area that then shrunk as the fluid was aspirated into the test tube. I had anesthesia of a sort by an IV connected to a filled syringe. I also took a Valium that morning (looovely stuff, makes me very relaxed and sleepy). Once I'd confirmed my stats to the Embryologist, they gave me the real stuff. The procedure did hurt, so I remember the doctor telling me to breathe a couple of times. Tim says he asked me if this hurt more or the tattoo, and when I replied, "definitely this!" the nurse ran over to give me more meds. I vaguely remember being transferred to a hospital bed and the next thing I knew, Tim and I were in the recovery room. Apparently he'd done his part just fine and we'd been there for about 45 minutes. They wheeled me out to the car and we went home.

No idea what time we got home, I passed out in bed wearing my clothes and slept until about 4:45. I had some difficulty trying to decipher the instructions for medications I was supposed to take so called the on-call number for the doctor. I'm pretty sure I gave them the wrong phone number to call back, mixing up my two cell numbers. Anyway, finally figured it out. Tim gave me the Progesterone in Oil shot in the butt and I went to bed (this time in my PJs). Except for taking Tylenol a few times last night, I didn't get up until 7:30 this morning. I've also slept on and off most of today.

The Embryo transfer will be tomorrow at 8:30 am. After that I need to spend the whole day lying down. I'm allowed to get up to go to the bathroom, but nothing else. Sunday I'm allowed up, but no lifting, and really nothing else. Monday, back to work and normal schedule. It will be almost 2 weeks after the retrieval before we know for sure if it all worked . . . so keep praying for us like crazy!

Community Garden

2008-05-26T08:11:00.004-04:00

I've used time this weekend to plant our plot in the PCHUM (Portage Chapel Hill UMC) community garden. When we first started thinking about creating a community garden in the area where an old house had been torn down, I wasn't sure we'd actually be able to pull it off. Now with most plots planted and green things poking up all over, it's pretty thrilling!

I did most of this the easy way and bought plants. So far, I spent about $45 on all that I put into the garden. This includes 4 Roma tomato bushes (to make sauce) and 3 other tomatoes. I also have 5 different pepper plants. Lots of herbs ( two types of basil, tarragon, rosemary), green beans (bush type), 2 kinds of radishes, 2 kinds of carrots and green onions. The plot is only about 10x18 feet and the soil is very sandy with lots of rocks. Our plot is where the old house stood, so I'll have to work to get the soil up to snuff. It doesn't get as much direct sun as I'd like, but it's better than my shady back yard. I'm going to be looking into Organic fertilizers and soil modification, as I'd like to grow this garden as organically as possible.

We spread aged horse manure over the entire garden before plowing -- compliments of my friend Jana. That stuff is so good, it could be rich soil on it's own. I'll have to get more from her for areas around the house. We also have some leaf compost that I'll haul over to the church plot and use for composing around the plants. That'll cut down on weeds and add nutrients over time.

I'm planting a bit more at the house too. We have room for one hill of Cantaloupe in the back yard (Tim's request) and I'm doing a few herbs in pots here too. I still have much work to do on the front flower bed (currently in transition) and we're going to make a raised bed next to the lower deck in the back. That one hasn't even been started. It may take all summer -- then I can plant perennials bought on the cheap at the end of season sales.

I've started a spread sheet with all the garden info (and hopefully the perennial info for home) to keep track of what plants and seeds do well. It's my more modern version of keeping a garden journal. Not as pretty, but since it's faster, I might actually take the time to put the info in!

$4/gallon for gas? So What

2008-05-23T15:48:00.005-04:00

Here's my new mode of transportation. It gets 75 miles to the gallon and it's really fun to ride!
I've been putting about 40 miles a day on my truck just going back and forth to work and going home for lunch to let Henry out of his den so the gas costs were rising fast. The scooter will pay for itself in one and a half summers but that figure was for $3.50/gal so it may pay for itself sooner.
Another interesting thing is since the time we bought the scooter in April, the price has gone up 20% on them. Demand is increasing so, as Sarah pointed out, if we have to sell it next year because my teaching job is past scooterability distance, we might be able to sell it for the same price we bought it for even being "broken in".
I have 600 miles on it and have had one older lady pull out in front of me where I had to slam on the brakes and lock up the rear wheel.
The scooter will go up to 50 mph so no highway driving but it works great to keep up with traffic around town.

Henry makes a new friend

2008-05-17T21:09:00.002-04:00

Henry has finally made friends with our back yard neighbors, Marty and Mrs. Marty (don't actually know her name). He used to bark at them a lot, so we gave them treats and introduced them to H over the back fence. They had a Golden that died early this winter, so they are doggie people and miss having a dog around.

Now Henry hangs out in the back corner waiting for them to come out and give him a treat. If he senses any movement in their backyard, he's out the door like a shot and begging for food. I caught him this morning barking at Marty to get his attention. It's better than him barking because he thinks they shouldn't be in the yard, but not too much different!

In other news -- the Kirk homestead will soon have new deck furniture! We spent some $ at Sears today and got a table with 6 chairs and umbrella for the deck off the patio and a bistro set in the same design for the deck off the screen porch. Check the link for pictures of what we bought. http://www.sears.com/shc/s/p_10153_12605_07180565000P

Tim took 2 trips to bring all the big boxes home. Next, we have to put it all together. We'll do that early next week as Tim is busy preparing a spot in the yard for our new shed. We'll need somewhere to store all that deck furniture over the winter . . . Actually we're accumulating enought kayaks, bikes, snow blowers, grills, etc. that we needed the storage space. Not exactly sure who we'll have do the building -- it won't be us for sure -- or when we'll get started on it.

Tomorrow after church we'll be busy preparing for the Youth Small Group that we've been leading. Tomorrow I teach them how to make a Chocolate Brownie Puddle Torte. It will be the dessert for the dinner they'll make to honor the graduating seniors. It's been a lot of fun so far, and everyone is excited to make and eat dessert!

More IVF

2008-05-17T20:45:00.002-04:00

So I have about 30+ eggs on each ovary, but they are still small -- about 6 mm. 30 eggs is a bit too many, but Julie (nurse) said that they'll manage the meds so that not all of them grow. She didn't seem concerned that they hadn't grown anymore b/c I'd only had 2 days of medication. My follicles on Clomid only went to 8-9mm and I don't know how large the follicles were before any of the meds. They need to get much larger 18-20 mm (I think).

No more Menopur, but I'll keep the Lupron and Follistim. Back to the office on Monday for more blood work and another ultrasound. This time they should have grown some more, so keep your fingers crossed!

I've been reading quite a few fertility blogs and have noticed a few things about how others are seeing the assisted reproduction therapy (ART) journey. Most seem quite obsessed with their "numbers." Hormone levels, sperm count, sperm morphology, blood test results and lot of other measures. We've been told all those things, but haven't been tracking them too closely. Others have all kinds of ways of tracking where they are in a cycle, what hasn't worked and how long they've been TTC (trying to conceive). This obsession worries me. First, I wonder why I'm not quite as obsessed. Normally, I would think I'm the type that would be like this, but I'm not. Second, am I supposed to be obsessed like that? If I'm not, does it mean I'm not as invested and not as likely to get the outcome we want? Frankly, I find the tracking every move, mood and blood test to be very tiring. I had 3 blood tests last week. I'd have to do an Excel spread sheet to keep it all straight, and then I wouldn't know what the numbers actually meant.

My biggest worry is that the follicles are not going to respond to the meds, not grow at all due to some other strange issue. And, if I had only been more demanding of my doctor or compulsive with the data, that this could have been avoided. Oh well, I'm not really up for monitoring all the data. That's what we're paying Michigan Reproductive to do after all!

I've had some crazy headaches the last few days. Today I actually felt like I was going to be sick (as in throw up). I couldn't stand it when Tim took a curve with the car in the parking lot. What a wimp. I'm beginning to see how debilitating migraines can be.

Other side effects: my stomach has little needle tracks in it and a couple of spectacular bruises. Apparently my needle technique could stand some improvement. Up to now, the shots have not been as difficult as I thought they might be.

Weekend Update (last weekend!)

2008-05-14T21:21:00.007-04:00

Some Pictures from last weekend: First all the girls (Katie, Mom and me) went to the spa. (See results of pedicures above.) Ahhhhh, relaxation. Second, we helped Katie pick up her new car! If you can't tell from the picture, the car is the new Mini Clubman. We all had an excellent time. Tim enjoyed spending his economic stimulus check (new PS3 and Grand Theft Auto 4) and thought Katie's car was pretty sweet.

We also got to hang out with our friends Jen & John and baby Anna. It was great just hanging out, eating take-out and drinking good beer. We sure wish we lived closer to them because they are such good fun. Plus, Anna is too cute and very entertaining.

IVF, Stage 2

2008-05-14T21:01:00.004-04:00

We're moving on to the second stage in the IVF. (Stage designations are my own). On Tuesday, I met with Julie, the RN in charge of our case. She looked at my ovaries and measured the lining of my uterus. After a blood pregnancy test, we were cleared to start stimulating the follicles.

Tonight I injected myself with three drugs. A lower dose of the Lupron (to keep my ovaries shielded from any hormones my body might make), Menopur (a mix of LH and FSH) and Follistim (FSH). I do the same amounts tomorrow night and then go in Friday morning for another ultrasound. This time we'll see if the meds are causing any changes to the follicles. Since they have been quite stubborn up to this point, I'm sending them positive thoughts about starting to grow. BUT, they need to all grow at the same rate. We need quite a few to harvest and they need to all be ready at the same time.

I'm glad to drop down on the Lupron dose. I didn't think I was feeling any side affects until about Sunday afternoon. Since then I've been tired, having trouble sleeping and my brain has been fuzzy at work. This isn't my stress insomnia, just more like I keep waking up and can tell I'm not sleeping very deeply. Some pretty good headaches, too, but difficult to tell it those are the drug or allergies. I'm also pretty emotional. I won't let the radio stop on a country stations because, invariably I find my self welling up at some tear-jerker of a song. I've been listening to CDs because even NPR is sometime too much -- I don't want to cry all the way to work!

After meeting with Julie, I had emotions that ranged all over the scale -- excitement to finally be moving on to this point, fear that it won't work, fear that it will and, of course, fear of needles. I'm still dreading the big ones that will have to go in my butt.

The only fly in the ointment is that we don't know exactly when we'll get to the egg retrieval stage, but it will be sometime right around Memorial Day weekend. The nurse said not to plan on going anywhere that weekend, which screws up plans to go to Ohio for the shower/picnic we're throwing for Josh and Allison. Bummer! I'm not counting it out yet, we'll have to see how it looks in the ultrasounds on Friday and next week.

Jucing -- the end

2008-05-10T09:29:00.004-04:00

Day 3 update: It was good! Lots of energy and I felt great. No issues with digestive system and the fog from day 2 was gone. I wasn't even all that hungry. Actually, I was kinda tired of the juice. The novelty had worn off.

I ate brown rice cooked in broth and Activia yogurt for dinner that night (Wed. night) and then oat meal for breakfast. You have to ease back into solid food -- nothing that will make your tummy upset. All was good and it was great to eat real food again!

My oberservations about all this . . . I'm now much more intentional about eating. The juicing helped me pay attention to how my body felt when I was hungry. I also get full more easily. My stomach probably shrunk a bit, but I think it's more that I notice when I'm full. And, I lost three pounds during the week. However, I think that will go away as my digestive track fills up again. We certainly proved that everyone really is full of s**t!

Katie and I are going to buy a juicer together and every couple of months we'll take turns juicing.

Juicing, Day 2

2008-05-07T09:28:00.001-04:00

Grumpy, headache, fuzzy brain -- it's difficult to be articulate. Great team building activity and we're having lots of good conversations about intentional eating and awareness of how food affects our bodies. More than half-way through! AND pretty sure that I don't really want to do this again any time soon. :-)

Veggies are good for you, right?

2008-05-05T21:09:00.005-04:00

The Kashi group is detoxing! After one work trip that involved a lot of toxifying, a couple of people I work with decided that we should give our bodies a rest. This has evolved into letting our digestive systems have a break from processing lots of rich or fibrous food. (And you know us Kashi folk, we do love our fiber!) So, a group of us at work has embarked on a 3 day juice detox.

Now, this isn't your standard orange juice or V8 splash. We are making our own juice using a juicer and focusing heavily on vegetables. My dinner included one stalk of broccoli, half a large cucumber, 4 organic carrots, organic baby spinach, and one organic orange for sweetness. This made a dark green concoction that I diluted with water to make about 3 cups. Yummy! Actually, it was pretty tasty. Take my advice, though, don't use raw eggplant. It makes things taste pretty bitter.

I'm actually doing quite well. I'd like to eat some real food, but I'm not hungry or calorie deprived. I've had at least 3 big glasses of veggie juice and one glass of a nice fruit blend for a snack. Caffeine and alcohol are out. I've been cutting back on the caffeine dramatically for the IVF, so that wasn't so bad. We are allowed green tea and I've had that hot and cold today. Since I've almost eliminated Diet Coke, I'm not craving that either.

It is early, though so I'll be sure to post on day 2 and 3. I think tomorrow morning is going to be very hard.

See Deer, WILL run....will run fast and far.....

2008-05-02T16:41:00.000-04:00

I have some time at work as Friday winds down in the last hour of the workday so I'll share the story behind this picture.
Last Saturday evening the weather warmed to the 50s from the 30s earlier in the week so I had a good reason to take Henry out for a run in our favorite location. It's a nature preserve that's open to the public and it's only about a 10 minute drive from the house. The front part of the area has mountain bike/hiking trails meandering through it and the back part has some less traveled trails. I keep Henry on the leash in the front part and once we get to the back section I let him off leash and boy does he enjoy running....and running....coming back to check on me....more running.....checking the swamp area for critters....checking back with me (I give him treats every time he comes back so he knows good things happen when he comes back) and oh, yeah, he runs some more.
The area is well wooded with hills and wetlands so wildlife is abundant but in the other 20 or so times we've taken Henry to run, the wildlife has seemed to keep far away (except for a woodchuck that was in the swamp...former woodchuck). This particular evening (note: first time taking Henry to the area at dusk, normally it is mid afternoon) we went through our normal routine of walking on the leash until we reached the back section. I let Henry off the leash and was keeping him within 10 feet of me with treats but after about 5 minutes of this I looked up in front of us and saw a couple of white tails bouncing through the woods, up the hill and away from us. Just as I was trying to persuade Henry back to me so I could leash him his ears perked up, the nose went in the air and he caught the scent of the deer. He took a quick glance at me and TOOK OFF RUNNING!!! Up the hill, through the woods and in two seconds I lost sight of him.
Heart dropping...stomach tensing...how far will he run and how long before he comes back???
I followed his trail up to the top of the hill and started calling for him and whistling (his cue to come back to check on me). This time the cues didn't work.
20 minutes gone by...no sign or sound of Henry.
I make the call to Sarah that our dog has gone chasing deer. She grabs our spotlight (I at least thought ahead and put some super reflective bands around Henry's neck that I usually wrap around my ankles when riding my bike) jumps in the car and heads over to help.
She calls when she gets to the woods and gets directions to my whereabouts. I told her my general location and to listen for my calls and whistles for Henry.
45 minutes have gone by (seemed like hours) and I'm on top of a hill at the intersection of two paths and I can look down the hill to see the usual path of our travels in case Henry decided to go back to where he knows to look for me.
Starting to loose my voice and whistling ability, I decide to climb a pine tree for a better look and hoping my voice will carry farther for Henry to hone in on where I am. I get about 10 feet off the ground and happen to look down one of the trails....
I see some movement that looks like a dog trotting!!
I holler HHHEEENNNRRRYYY!! I see the dog's head pick up at the call. Our Henry has returned!!!!
He must have been well worn out from chasing the deer that are much faster than him (hopefully he figured this out and won't chase them again, but not likely) because his tongue was hanging out the side of his mouth and he just trotted the 1/4 mile back to me.
After I got him back on the leash I called Sarah and told her "I have our dog" and both of us sighed a big relief.
I didn't really worry about Henry not coming back, the question was will I have to stay the night in the woods waiting for him to come back.
I did hear some gunshots shortly after Henry took off running so I had a small fear that a drunken redneck with three teeth wearing a dirty flannel shirt over top of his BBQ rib stained wife beater tank top decided to shoot at Henry for chasing deer. Luckily my elaborate imagination was incorrect.

I'll still take Henry to the preserve, actually took him back the next day, but I WON'T go back at dusk when the deer are most active.
I did see deer on the next day but luckily Henry was still rather tired from his exploits the day before and was keeping close to me. I leashed him and walked the opposite way the deer was heading. For good measure, I picked up a big stick and started hitting it on the trees as we walked so the wildlife was well aware of our presence.

It's time to invest in a small cow bell for Henry to wear from his collar.

I think I'm addicted

2008-05-01T21:15:00.003-04:00

Along with a whole group of friends from work, I took a half-day vacation on Wednesday and went to the Vera Bradley outlet sale in Fort Wayne, IN. We went a little bit crazy . . . I haven't always been a fan of VB stuff -- but somehow it has grown on me over the past few years. The stuff isn't cheap, so getting stuff at 30-40% off retail was too cool.

(Katie -- that's your wristlet on top in the pink and black and white)

I am embarrassed to show you the picture I took of everything I bought. It looks a bit excessive. Still, half of it is gifts for various people over the next year. (I guess that means the other half is for me . . . I am getting a little giddy thinking of all my new stuff!)

The sale is held in a coliseum and the entry is timed on your tickets. You only have 3 hours and it goes fast. The $10 ticket purchase price goes to the VB breast cancer research fund. The place was mobbed and much of the stock was wiped out. We went out to a great dinner afterward, where I shot up in the bathroom stall for Day 2 of Lupron. I think I still have a little bit of a shopping high.

No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks...

2008-04-29T21:58:00.004-04:00

Tim here; since Sarah has challenged me to post on here now that school is out I'm up for it.

My first semester of my Master's program in Career and Technical Education at Western Michigan University is complete! I actually managed to get through with all of my sanity but the last few weeks were pretty intense with projects due in all three classes and final exams in two of the three classes.
Since my current job, selling cardboard boxes, isn't very challenging and I actually have about an hour or two a day without much to do I was able to work on homework during that time. I'm in a remote office, by myself, so management didn't have any issues with my homework at work.

I have two classes to take this summer, three more in the fall and then I'll be
ready to student teach starting the second semester of the 08-09 school year.
One of the couples we've met through our church are both high school teachers here in Portage so they will help me get into one of their classes to student teach if I choose to go that route.
I may decide to student teach for another teacher in Schoolcraft who comes highly reccomended by my student teaching placement counselor at WMU who has a pretty good line on who's a good mentor type and who's not worth student teaching for.

My goal is to teach at the high school level and share my vast and varied knowledge of business and technology that I've learned throughout the years in the business.
Schools really like the idea of professionals coming from industry to teach since students have a better chance understanding things if real-world ideas can be associated with what's being taught.

I'll sign off for now on this post but check back in a week or so to see what the summer semester of school will be like.

The First Step . . . one of many

2008-04-29T20:57:00.003-04:00

We've taken our first big step on the IVF cycle path. Tonight was my first shot. And, it actually went OK. I did flinch a little bit when it came time to stick myself in the stomach, but Tim was there to cheer me on, and it didn't really hurt. Just a little sting. The needle is really small, it's an insulin needle. I have an awesome husband, he did a couple of cheers for me to get me revved up as I got the paraphernalia out. We are incredibly silly at times (well, mostly I'm incredibly silly) and it works for us.

The Lupron that I shot up tonight -- I love saying that -- goes for 14 days. I'll probably be on it a few days longer than that because I think I need to have a period before we move onto the next drug. Since I don't have periods on my own, I'll have to take a drug to induce one. I'm sure the nurse coordinator will let me know what I have to do. She seems pretty good at that.

I had to stop reading about the side affects of Lupron on line. They sound pretty horrific -- mostly things that are like going through menopause and some weird bone pain. What exactly is bone pain? I hope I don't get to find out! Basically, Lupron is supposed to suppress any hormonal signals I actually do have. This is so we can isolate the ovaries and stimulate them with later medications.

Now, I get to take the show on the road. I am going to an event tomorrow night and will have to do my shot at the same time tomorrow evening. I can just imagine someone coming into the bathroom at the restaurant when I'm sticking a needle in my stomach. Should be interesting!

Butterflies are a sign of Spring?

2008-04-29T20:42:00.003-04:00

This weekend I went with some of the 'ladies' (a pretty diverse group of women from work) to Meijer Gardens to see the butterfly exhibit. This was the last weekend for it, so I was excited to see it. It was also the start of our cold snap. (Freeze warning for tonight with lows in the low 20s!). Meijer gardens is known for its outdoor gardens and sculpture gardens, but this was a blast. Lots of beautiful tropical plants, with name plates and sometimes other information. And really fabulous butterflies. Unfortunately, the pictures don't do them justice -- they move too fast for my little camera. The cool brown spotted butterfly in the picture actually has brilliant blue wings when flying.

After the butterflies we tried to walk to see some of the sculptures, but it was too darn cold. So we lunched instead. Lunch at the Blue Water Grill had great views of a nice lake and good, interesting food. Interesting is always important when a bunch of food scientists go out to eat! Apparently, it is difficult to get in for dinner without reservations, but lunch was easy. Tim later told me that the lovely blue lake is an old gravel pit. We were quite close to where Tim's sister and Dad live, so I could impress my friend Connie by knowing a new route to drive home.

We've done several "days out" with this group with the most recent being a trip to Ann Arbor to shop at a couple of great stores (food oriented, of course). I work with some pretty accomplished folks, so it is a lot of fun to get to know them outside of work on trips like these.

More Free Sports

2008-04-29T20:24:00.002-04:00

After the Chicago weekend, Tim took one of his vendors up on an offer to go to the Red Wings playoff game. I am not a huge sports fan, but definitely watch more now that Tim is in the picture. But, I have loved hockey since grad school. Cornell had a great hockey team when I was there and we had much fun going to the games and behaving badly. I even went to a lot of Lumberjacks games in Cleveland when I worked there after college and before grad school. (Interesting aside: The Lumbarjacks are a farm team for the Pittsburgh Penguins and used to be in Muskegon, MI, near where T grew up. He was miffed that they left Muskegon to go to Cleveland). Plus, I actually know some of the rules and can follow the game. Still, I don't watch on TV because it is difficult to follow. (That may change, of course, with the gigantic TV now in our basement. It's pretty easy to follow the puck in HD.)

It was an amazing game. They were playing the Nashville Predators and scored early in the first period. They out performed the Predators in most measures and had a huge number shots-on-goal by the end. Still, the Predators goalie was having a good game and didn't allow any more goals. With something like 40 seconds to go, the Predators scored a goal to tie it. They have sudden death overtime in the NHL. Still we were prepared for a long game when 18 minutes of OT went on the clock. In under 1:45, the Wings scored another great goal and it was all over. They won that series and are now winning the second series. Go Wings!

The following weekend we almost didn't know what to do with ourselves -- no free sports in executive suites.

Chicago, I love Chicago!

2008-04-29T20:03:00.004-04:00

A few weekends ago, Tim and I went to Chicago. This was about 10 days before our 1st anniversary (4/21) and since Tim had a final on our anniversary, we were going to have some fun! We stayed at the Conrad just off of Michigan Ave. This is the high end Hilton. Of course I used points -- somehow all that traveling has to pay off! Loved the hotel. It wasn't boutique like, but just very understated and very high end finishes. Marble floors. The reception was on the 4th floor. We had free breakfast certificates (as benefits a Diamond Hilton member). They hand wrote them and delivered them to our room. Our room had a flat screen TV (ours still is bigger!) and marble and granite in the bathroom. A separate soaking tub, and so on. You get the picture.

The best part was going to the Bulls/Cavs game in the executive lounge sponsored by one of my suppliers. Gretchen, the sales rep, is a really awesome person in general and she has great ideas for entertainment. After the game (which, sadly, the Cavs lost) they took us out in limos to a local bar and kept feeding us and supplying the drinks. A great time was had by all.

The next day, we slept in. The fact that we did not hear street noise and the curtains blacked out the light completely -- another sign of a really top notch hotel. Unfortunately, it was a cold and rainy weekend so we opted to go to the Aquarium and spend some time with the fishes. What an awesome place. The fish were amazing and we saw a lot of ones similar to what we saw snorkeling in Tahiti. Great frogs and some really fun lizards. We finished Saturday off with some awesome Chicago style pizza. Yummy:-)

The only jarring thing the whole weekend was our breakfast service on Sunday. I won't bore you with the details, suffice to say the food served in no way matched the description on the menu. We had to work to get the waitress to come by and when she did, she didn't handle the situation well. They ended up taking off our bill (the free part of the breakfast only covered so much) but I was shocked that such a high end place would stumble so badly. The hotel did redeem itself -- I filled out a survey online they sent asking about our stay. I was fair, but did tell them about the restaurant situation. 3 hours after submitting the survey, I received a call from the restaurant manager apologizing. He didn't offer any excuses, but said that this was not acceptable and invited us to be his guest at a meal the next time we stayed at the hotel. Wow! that's responsive customer service. (Of course, it would have been better to not have had the incident in the first place . . . ).

Henry is a good citizen!

2008-04-05T20:05:00.007-04:00

Our excitement last week was Henry's Canine Good Citizenship (CGC) test. We've been taking him to classes at the Kalamzoo Kennel Club for the last 8 weeks or so. He had 10 things he had to do on command to achieve the certification. This is an AKC designation. Check the link to see what Henry had to do: http://www.akc.org/events/cgc/training_testing.cfm.

Basically, this now means that Henry will be OK when we take him out in public. He has definitely improved, and so have we! (We need the training as much as he does :-) Don't think that CGC means he's now a mellow and completely trained dog. He's still a little bit house possessive. A leftover, we think, from the long, long, long winter. Yesterday, he was sure our back yard neighbor, Marty, was a threat, and let him know it. All Marty was doing was yard work in his own yard. Apparently, owning a dog is always an adventure!

Choose your own adventure . . .

2008-04-02T19:27:00.005-04:00

Remember those cool books you had as a kid where you were in control of how the story turned out? I loved them and read lots. Sometimes I think that life should be more like that. If I'm not doing the choosing, somebody or something else is going to do it for me -- right? Well, Tim and I are embarking on our own adventure and choosing something really exciting and a bit scary.

Our families and friends know that we've been trying to become parents (since before the wedding, even!). Clearly, not a whole lot has happened. It seems that I actually need to ovulate in order to become pregnant. It doesn't matter how much "practicing" we do, not much is gonna happen if there isn't an egg for the sperm to meet. We've been working with a great Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) since a few months after the wedding. Tried a several rounds of drugs, and drug combos. We finally have decided to start a round of IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization). Starting, well, right now! It's about a 2 month protocol and has many, many steps and lots and lots of needles. (I'm really not too sure how I'm going to handle those needles. Apparently I will start out with small ones and by the time I get to the large ones that go in my butt, someone else will have to wield the syringe.)

One big worry for me is how I will manage the travel in my job. I travel a lot, and some of it is not very predictable. I love my career, and we do need it to pay the bills, so balancing is going to be key. I have gotten incredible support from my team at work and from my manager. They've offered to fill in for me and help out however they can. So, thanks to them, I can put that worry aside and focus on other things. We'll keep you posted and Tim can give you his perspective on what it's like to live with a woman taking massive does of injectable hormones!